Without a doubt, key puns and key jokes are some of our favorites. We’ve sifted through a lot of wisecracks over the years, but there’s something about keys that continue to be hilarious.
We hope this list of funny key puns and jokes will make you laugh and feel compelled to share them with your friends and family. We sure did!
- What’s the main purpose of a key ring?
To help you lose all your keys at once. - Why is it difficult to open a piano?
Because the keys are located on the inside. - What do you use to open a Haunted House?
A spoo-key. - My friend doesn’t use keys nowadays.
He’s lost his locks. - I developed an addiction to pressing the F1 key on my laptop.
I’m trying to get help. - What do you call a drunkard fumbling with his car keys?
A taxi. - Why wasn’t the piano entering the house?
It didn’t know which key to use. - The car key didn’t fit in at the party.
She was too door-key. - What type of keys are sweet?
Cookies. - Which computer key do aliens like?
Space bar. - My F5 key has a lovely smell.
It’s very refreshing - What’s worse than locking your car keys inside your car while you’re outside an abortion clinic?
Returning to the clinic to borrow a hanger. - She found her laptop missing a key.
She lost ctrl. - Last week I donated my passport, $1000, and my car keys to a homeless guy.
You could see the happiness come from me as he holstered his suppressed gun. - My friend is writing a song about getting his door lock replaced.
There’s a key change at the end. - What should you do when you lock yourself outside your house?
Talk to the lock since communication is key. - What’s a pianist’s favorite location for a vacation?
The Florida Keys. - What’s the key ingredient to a perfect Thanksgiving dinner?
A Tur-key. - What kind of key opens a banana?
A mon-key. - My friend is a key worker.
He picks locks. - What kind of key makes it difficult to open your front door?
Whiskey. - I don’t like car keys that much.
They always try to start something. - I’ve done away with all the black keys from my piano.
I intend to C Major improvement. - What type of key do bony people use to unlock their houses?
Skeleton keys. - Why did the fish sing off key?
Because it wasn’t possible to tuna them. - A hacker stole my Microsoft Office license key.
I told him, “I’ll find you, and you’ll pay for what you’ve done. You have my Word.” - The ghost took all the keys off my keyboard.
I’m totally out of control and there is no escape. - I stayed up all night searching for my keys.
Then it dawned on me. - Why is it simple to sneak into Florida?
Because there are plenty of keys. - Thor is usually high strung.
His brother, on the other hand, is Loki. - A slice of key lime pie in the Bahamas is $3.50, while in Jamaica it’s $2.75.
Those are the pie-rates of the Caribbean. - Which keyboard key does a lazy worker hate the most?
The shift key. - My friend told me she works in a soap factory, her role being adding the key ingredient.
She’s a lye-er. - Singers can open doors with their talents, but burglars can do it off key.
- Frodo took the keys to McDonald’s, JCPenney, Macy’s etc. and placed them on a single key ring.
It was the one ring to rule the mall. - Me: Have you ever seen that 70s television program involving two detectives solving crimes over the phone?
Friend: No. I can’t really recall. What’s the name of the show?
Me: Star Key and Hash. - Friend: Knock, Knock
Me: Who’s there?
Friend: Chicken
Me: Chicken who?
Friend: Chicken your pockets. Your keys might be there. - Which keyboard key do pirates love?
Everyone: R
Me: Rrr maybe, but it be the C - Why was the pianist banging her head against the keys?
She was playing by ear. - Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Jester.
Jester who?
Jester minute. I’m looking for my keys. - The music teacher’s car was keyed yesterday.
Luckily, the damage seems to B Minor. - Little Kevin found his mom taking a shower and asked her, “What’s that between your legs mommy?”
His mother tells him, “That’s my keyhole.”
The following day, little Kevin finds his dad taking a shower and asks him, “What’s that between your legs daddy?”
His father tells him, “That’s my key.”
The next day, little Kevin tells his dad, “It seems like the neighbor also has a key to mommy’s keyhole.” - Two police officers were hanging around outside a bar during closing time, waiting to catch drunk drivers.
A man walks out of the bar, seemingly in a bad shape. He staggers; almost falling down the curb, until he reaches his car. He fumbles with his car keys for some time, dropping them a couple of times before finally unlocking the door, getting in, and driving off.
The police officers decide to follow him and after tailing him for some miles, they realize his driving was perfect, and he was following all the traffic rules.
Eventually, they decide to pull him over anyway. They put their siren on and the man pulls over without any hesitation. The police officers tell the man to get out of his car, and he politely does so. They check his license and find that it’s valid. Next, they subject him to a couple of sobriety tests, which he aces all of them.
The two officers look at each other with confusion until one of them asks the man, “Sir, you are not drunk, right?
The man replies, “No, sir. I am not.”
“Then how come you looked genuinely drunk as you left the bar?”
“I’m supposed to be tonight’s DD”
“Tonight’s Designated Driver?”
“No. Not really. More like the Designated Decoy. The drunk friends I was with drove the other way”
Did These Unlock Some Joy For You?
Putting together this list of funny key puns and key jokes was a blast. This was one of our favorites, and we’ll definitely be revisiting this again in the future!
If you know any others that are worth including, you’re always welcome to send them over. We’ll add any submissions that we like.
