32 Snail Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny

Snail puns and snail jokes have always been funny, because these little critters never fail to bring a smile to your face. There’s really nothing quite like them!

This list of great snail puns and jokes will give you plenty of options for the next time you see one of these fascinating little creatures. Don’t waste the opportunity!

• What do snails wear on their heads when they go climbing? A shellmet!
• What does a snail say when it answers its phone? Shello!
• What do you call a snail’s birthday? A shellabration!
• How do snails communicate from one end of the pond to the other? With their shell phones.
• What did the octopus say to her injured sea snail friend? Sea-kelp!
• What do you call a snail wearing eyeliner in public? A mascaragot!
• What makes snails such an appealing delicacy to the French? They don’t care for fast food as much as the rest of the world.
• What is the difference between a snail with its shell and a snail that has lost its shell? One is much more sluggish.
• What kind of relationship advice are you likely to receive from a snail life coach? They are almost guaranteed to tell you to “Take it slow.”
• Why was the snail obsessed with trying to crawl onto peoples smartphones while they were picnicking in the park? Because it was addicted to taking shellfies.
• Why is a snail the best player to have on any baseball team? Because they are real sluggers.
• What makes snails say silly things all the time? Their feet are always in their mouths.
• What do you call a dead snail that comes back to haunt the person that stepped on it? An Escarghost!
• Why is it so entertaining to watch snails going at it in a boxing match? Because they really know how to slug it out!
• What makes a French snail so much faster than any other snail in the world? They have l’ess cargo to weigh them down.
• What did the snails yell when their team finally won a race? Shell yeah!
• Where do giant snails come from? The tips of a giant’s fingers.
• During my time in the NAVY, I saw more than a few snails at sea. We took to calling them Snailors and kept them as pets during our deployments.
• What do you call a snail that has lost its shell? An es-car-gone!
• What happened when the snail was evicted from its home? It became a real slug.
• Do you know what makes a snail one of the strongest creatures in the world? It carries an entire house on its back!
• If a snail could talk, what would it say while riding on its turtle friend’s back? WHEEE!
• Why was the farmer that opened a snail farm so sad? Because his business was going super slow.
• My snail buddy went to the doctor today because he kept passing out at work. She told him he was just badly dehydrated and needed a snailine solution to set him right.
• What do you call a business that trades in different kinds of snails from all over the world? A shell company.
• I was out for a walk earlier today and I saw a man throwing salt around  in his front yard. Curious, I asked him what he was doing. “Dealing with a slug problem,” he said. Talk about an all-out a-salt!
• I once knew a man that decided to form a snail racing team. He figured that if he could just get them to come out of their shells a little more, they would be a lot faster. Instead of becoming quicker, they all became sluggish.
• I went to a comedy show tonight and the comedian legitimately had a joke about snails in his act. It was shellarious. The audience couldn’t stop laughing. I think he really snailed the act.
• What did the snail say when it realized it had only made it halfway across the yard after traveling all day? Oh how slime flys.
• I stepped on a snail on my way to the car this morning and felt absolutely horrible about it. You should have seen the poor little guy, he looked completely crushed.
• How do snails keep their shells looking so shiny all the time? They take their shells through the varnish wash.
• I was driving in the city earlier this week and while I was stopped at a red light, a car pulled up next to me with a big “S” painted on the side. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the passengers were all snails. Without skipping a beat, I turned to my buddy who was in the passenger seat and said, “Well would you look at that S-car-go!”

Use These To Coax Others Out Of Their Shell

We absolutely love these snail puns and snail jokes. Some are cute and others are clever, but they’re all funny. Hopefully you feel the same!

We’d love to connect if you know any other good ones for us to add to the list. Just send them over!