37 Lizard Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny

A funny looking lizard that makes you think of puns and jokes about it

Funny lizard puns and lizard jokes are great because they’re a bit out of the ordinary and unexpected. There are plenty of popular topics to tell jokes about, but lizards aren’t one of them!

And that’s what makes it so great, because lizards are absolutely hilarious. Give this list a read and let us know what you think.

  • Which reptile makes the best crime solving detective? An investi-gator!
  • What kind of lizard makes a great song artist? A rap-tile, of course!
  • Why was the male lizard so sad? Because his mate just eye rolled at him when he gave her a card that said “Iguana be your valentine.”
  • What unit of measurement is used by all lizards when inspecting their eggs? Scales.
  • Two lizards attempted to cross the road. The first makes it across and the second gets hit by a car three quarters of the way across. What did the first lizard say? “That’s my flat mate!”
  • What is another name for a dead lizard? A die-nosaur.
  • What kind of lizard doesn’t mind living in snowy climates? A monitor b-lizard.
  • Which breed of lizard is best for security patrol at a school? A hallway monitor.
  • What did the palaeontologist say when he discovered a prehistoric lizard with wings? Look, it’s a Dino-soaring!
  • What kind of lizard is known for telling nothing but lies about everyone around it? A slandermander.
  • What kind of lizard is a really big fan of bat poop? An iguano!
  • What do you get when you cross a lizard with an English textbook? A punctual chameleon!
  • What do you call a lizard that has an issue with waking up in the morning? A coma-eleon!
  • What is the term for a lizard that has a problem with mating? A reptile dysfunction.
  • How do lizards replace their tail when it falls off? They take a trip to the retail store.
  • What is another name for a Japanese lizard? A Kimono Dragon!
  • How do you confuse a Chameleon? Surround it with different coloured objects.
  • What do you get if you put a Chameleon in a dark room? A Chameleoff!
  • Which type of lizard is best suited for a career in the technology sector? Monitor lizards!
  • What metal is named in honor of a Chameleon? Tungsten, of course.
  • I knew it was a mistake buying a Chameleon while I was at the pet store. I lost it in the car on the way home.
  • What do you call a news report that incorrectly portrays lizards? Fake Newts.
  • What do you call a lizard that goes around stealing food from the other reptiles? Cold-blooded!
  • What kind of tea do reptiles prefer to drink with their meals? Chamomile tea!
  • Why was the reptile with no tail the perfect owner for the new car shop in town? Because he was de-tailed!
  • How do lizards decorate the floors in their homes? They cover them with rep-tiles!
  • What made the reptile decide to go on a diet? Because his scales broke when he checked his weight.
  • What do you call a reptile that loves to meditate? A Calm-eleon!
  • What do you call a rich reptile? A Cha-meleon-aire!
  • What do you call a smelly lizard that hasn’t bathed in weeks? A skinky reptile!
  • Why was the professor so impressed with the speed with which his students learned all about reptiles? Because they just seemed to get it from the gec-ko.
  • Why do you not have to worry about what you say around a lizard wearing headphones? Because it can’t hear you!
  • What happens when a prehistoric lizard exercises more than it should? It becomes a Dino-sore!
  • I saw a talking lizard at the comedy club the other day. He was a real stand-up chameleon.
  • I went to the dinosaur museum on the weekend and they had a new exhibit of an ugly prehistoric lizard. I didn’t see what it was called, so I gave it my own name. The Eye-a-saurus.
  • I was at the zoo with my girlfriend checking out all of the cool lizards they had. While we were watching some of the lizards, we kept hearing one of them repeat its sounds. I guess it was a g-echo.
  • If four reptiles are hanging out on the ceiling and one of them does an acrobatic flip to impress the others, how many would be left on the ceiling? None, because the rest of them fell off when they cheered their friend on.

Were Any Of These Cold-Blooded?

We hope you enjoyed these funny lizard jokes and lizard puns as much as we did. We had a great time putting this together, and will be using these the next time we’re in the desert.

And don’t forget to send us any others that you know! We’re always on the lookout for some new stuff to add.