55 Funny Doctor Jokes & Puns (The Greatest Hits)

Doctor holding a stethoscope thinking of doctor jokes and puns

There are so many funny doctor jokes and puns out there that it was a little hard to pick our favorites! After all, these are classics.

Something about going to the doctor’s office resonates with everyone. On some level we’re all a little unforgettable, and on some level the whole experience is just a bit funny

To help you cope (and ease your mood before you see the cost of the visit), reading some of these doctor puns and doctor jokes should do the trick.

We’re saving a few of these for our next physical, and you should too. 

1. Why did a banana have to go see a doctor? She was not peeling well.

2. Why would a cookie visit a doctor? The cookie was feeling crummy.

3. What type of fish completed medical school? A sturgeon.

4. The doctor told the apple we will get to the core of your sickness.

5. What do you give a sick lemon to make it feel better? Lemon aid.

6. What happened when the boy swallowed food coloring? He dyed inside.

7. What did the dalmatian go see a doctor? He looked in the mirror and saw spots on his skin.

8. The cell phone went to the doctor to get some new contacts.

9. How do you help a sick pig? Give is oinkment.

10. Why did the bee need to visit a doctor? She kept getting hives.

11. What can you do to help a sick bird? Give it tweetment

12. What happens when you own too many dogs? You are said to have a roverdose.

13. What do you call an owl that is a doctor? Dr. Who

14. Why would a mattress go to the doctor? When they have spring fever.

15. Why did the pair of shoes go to the doctor? They needed to be healed.

16. Why was the doctor laughing at the x-ray? It was humorous.

17. How come a bucket went to see the doctor? She was looking pail.

18. A good dermatologist will begin the career from scratch.

19. I need a good doctor. I do not want to work with a scrub.

20. How come the snowman had to see a doctor? He was feeling chilly.

21. The pillow went to the doctor because she was feeling a little stuffy.

22. How come the window went to visit the doctor? He was in pane.

23. A book went to the doctor because it had a broken spine.

24. When does a clown go to the doctor? When he is feeling funny.

25. I was told a joke about amnesia but I do not remember how it goes.

26. I told the doctor I was not going to have brain surgery. He was able to change my mind.

27. I played hide and seek with my friend in the hospital. She found me hiding in the ICU.

28. I made a rash decision and went to work as a dermatologist.

29. Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away? It does if you have good aim.

30. He knew he should study to become an osteopath. He was able to feel it in his bones.

31. Why does it take longer to get test results at night? There is only a skeleton crew working.

32. The hospital was told to make some spending cuts. They decided to cut the coroners.

33. My blood test told me that I had blood type B but it turned out to be a type O.

34. Medical students do not like to take tests on kidney stones. These tests are the hardest to pass.

35. Who was the cool person standing in for the doctor? He was the hip replacement guy.

36. We had some new midwives join the hospital. Please welcome Doctor Ova Ree and Doctor D. Livery.

37. We would like to introduce you to the new chiropractor. Say hi to Doctor L. Bow.

38. If you are sick you need to go see Doctor Phil Goode. 

39. I went to the doctor because my eye color kept on changing. She told me it was a pigment of my imagination. 

40. Eye doctors are able to live long because they dilate.

41. Doctors become angry when they lose their patients.

42. Where does a boat sleep? At the doc.

43. The boy that lost his left side went to see the doctor. He is all right after his visit.

44. What does a doctor do for a rocket? Gives the rocket a booster shot.

45. Why did the doctor need to be quiet when getting the medicine? He did not want to wake the sleeping pills.

46. I was diagnosed with acute appendicitis. It was better than having an ugly one.

47. Why were the clothes wrinkles? They had an iron deficiency. 

48. What school do medical students study at? The hippocampus.

49. Patient: Doctor help. I swallowed a spoon. Doctor: Hold still and do not stir.

50. I did not want to go to the doctor for stitches. He told me to suture myself.

51. I cannot stop telling jokes about airports. I think I have a terminal disease.

52. What do the legs tell each other on Valentines’ day? I kneed you.

53. What did the bladder say to the kidney on Valentine’s day? Urine in my thoughts.

54. Doctor: I have some bad news. The test results are in. You have 24 hours to live. I have some even worse news. Patient: What is worse than that? Doctor: I have been trying to call you since yesterday. 

55. Doctor: You are going to need surgery. Patient: Can I get a second opinion on that? Doctor: You are smelly too.

What Did You Think?

If you thought these doctor jokes and doctor puns were funny, let us know and share them with your friends! We had a great time working on this list and even enjoyed many of the ones that didn’t make the cut.

Also, if you have any doctor jokes of your own that you think we should consider, don’t be shy! Send them over and if we think they’re funny too, we’ll add them to the list above.