32 Boot Puns & Jokes That You Need To Try On

Boot puns and boot jokes have been around forever, and it makes sense. There was a time when boots were the main form of footwear!

Because of that, there are plenty of hilarious ones to pick from. This list of funny boot puns and jokes was a blast to work on.

Enjoy!

• My friend was holding a pair of boots to her ears.
  She told me she was listening to sole music.
• What do you call a dinosaur wearing boots and a cowboy hat?
  Tyrannosaurus Tex.
• He couldn’t tie his shoelaces.
  They decided to send him to boot camp.
• My friend made some boots completely out of Lego.
  When you stand on them, it doesn’t hurt, you just get a little taller.
• Her pustules burst as she went to visit the doctor.
  Puss in Boots.
• He accidentally wore his Spanish friend’s rain boots instead of his.
  Turns out those boots were made for Joaquin.
• I asked a girl wearing Apple Bottom jeans and fur boots for some water.
  As might have been expected, shawty got l’eau.
• What kind of instrument does a boot use?
  A shoehorn.
• Why did the cardigan go to boot camp?
  To warm up.
• Worst thing about millipedes playing soccer is the amount of time it takes for them to wear boots.
• My friend tried to start a car football league, but it didn’t work.
  Everyone had only one boot.
• ”Watson, is that sludge on your boots?”
  “No, shit, Sherlock.”
• My friend Kevin gave his size 12 boots to his little brother, Phil. The problem was Phil wears size 9.
  Kevin left large shoes to Phil.
• When someone takes your boot and doesn’t return it, it’s not a souvenir.
  It’s a boutonniere.
• Why was the egg unable to make it through boot camp?
  Because he cracks under pressure.
• I caught my husky chewing on my boots.
  He must have a really good taste in footwear.
• I decided to give a friend some boots she had been drooling over, but she didn’t like the color.
  I told her beggars shouldn’t be shoes-y.
• I went to a bar in Texas and found a man wearing paper chaps, paper jeans, a paper shirt, a paper cowboy hat, and paper boots.
  Afterwards, the police came and arrested him for rustling.
• Why did the German keep a dead calf in the boot of his car?
  It was his spare veal.
• Why did the pc owner place a shoe in her hard drive?
  She was told she needed a boot drive
• Why was the cowboy always wearing boots?
  He did not want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket
• Why didn’t he feel sexy when she wore snakeskin boots?
  He had a reptile dysfunction.
• I threw his boot off a cliff yesterday.
  It was an assisted shoe-icide.
• He got into trouble for skipping camouflage training at the army boot camp.
  The tutor said he had never seen him in class.
• My brother who is in the US Navy broke his foot. To properly heal, he has to wear tennis shoes instead of boots. He said they made him buy new black shoes, instead of his normal shoes. He said that it seemed petty to make him do that.
  I told him that it sounded like the decision was being made by a Petty Officer.
• The boot camp received too many applicants.
  Most of them had to be put on a wading list.
• What do you call a soldier who couldn’t make it past boot camp?
  A cop.
• My girlfriend broke her toe and was told to wear a protective boot. I took the boot and started caressing it with my hand making trilling noises.
  
  Girlfriend: What are you doing?
  Me: Just feeling the marvelous curves of your booty.
• A woman is furious with the IRS and decides to blow it up. She puts a bag filled with C-4 explosives at the back seat of her Toyota Camry and heads for Washington DC. Her boyfriend is distressed about her.
  
  “What if the explosives go off while still in the car?”
  
  She replies, “There’s nothing to worry about, darling. I have a spare bomb in the boot.”
• Two Canadians were taking a walk through the snow.
  One of them sees a boot in the snow and says,
  
  “Look, a boot.”
  
  His friend replies,
  
  “About what?”
• If you have ever wondered who your real friend is between your wife or dog, try this experiment.
  
  Put your wife and your dog in the boot of a car for an hour.
  
  When you open the trunk, who will be happy to see you?
• I couldn’t locate my boots this morning.
  
  Me: Are those my boots you are wearing?
  Dad: Yeah, sorry. I was unable to locate mine this morning.
  Me: It’s okay. Just don’t break them.
  Dad: I’m walking all over them.

Slip These Into Your Conversations

Now that you know all of the best boot puns and boot jokes out there, it’s time for you to start spreading the joy! Finding some opportunities to slip these into your conversations and get a quick laugh won’t be hard.

If you happen to know any other puns or jokes about boots, send them our way. If we like them (we usually do) then we’ll happily add them to the list above!