45 Funny Time Puns And Jokes To Keep You Ticking

A watch inspiring funny time puns

Time puns and jokes are actually rather funny, and can be used in a wide variety of situations. Unlike some of the more random pun topics we’ve covered on this site, time can be brought up anywhere!

There’s no escape.

Some of these funny time puns are clever, and others are pretty bad (we won’t lie). But at the end of the day, all of them should give you a little chuckle.

We had a lot of fun putting together this list of time jokes and puns together, and hope you find some good opportunities to lighten the mood with them in the future.

This is hands down one of the most fun batches of puns we’ve put together.

  • Why did the boy decide to sit on top of his clock? He wanted to make sure he was on time.
  • It only took me five minutes to fix the clock this morning… Well, at least I think it was only five minutes!
  • Why did the man decide to shoot his alarm clock? He just felt like killing some time.
  • We just got a watchdog for the house! We’re naming him Rolex.
  • It looks like the movie studio is going to make a film called “clocks”. Personally, I think it’s about time.
  • Listen up, if all I cared about was having the time of my life, I would get a job at the clock factory.
  • The other day I asked my manager if I could finish my shift early. She said as long as I made up the time it was fine with her. I said, “ok, it’s 15 past 30.”
  • 11:59:59am has always been my favorite time of day. To be honest, it’s second to noon.
  • I’m annoyed. I picked up a brand new 24 hour clock and it’s already broken. It only lasted one day.
  • What time do astronauts eat? Launch time!
  • How does a witch know what time it is? She takes a look at her witch watch!
  • The bartender said “we don’t serve time travelers in this establishment”. A time traveller walks into a bar.
  • What’s another name for a belt that’s wearing a watch? A waist of time!
  • I went out and purchased seven watches this weekend. I know, I have plenty of time on my hands.
  • What happens when you pester a watch? It becomes ticked off.
  • Today I played hide and seek with my best friends. The game lasted all day. I guess good friends really are hard to find!
  • What would a clock be if it didn’t have any numbers? Timeless!
  • What’s a good time to step out for a bathroom break? Poo-thirty!
  • I tried eating a clock last week, but I don’t think I’m going to do it again. It’s really quite time consuming.
  • What’s another name for a clock that’s on the moon? A lunar tick.
  • It’s important to always remove your watch before telling any secrets. Time will tell.
  • I was wondering why my clock wasn’t working anymore, but I found out all it needed was a hand to get up and running again.
  • What time should you go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
  • The watch was skeptical of the story the clock was telling. After all, it was second hand information.
  • I’ve been trying to start growing herbs in my yard, but I can never find the thyme to get started.
  • The girl was voted “Most likely to travel back in time” by her class of 2056.
  • What bugs are always found in old clocks? Ticks.
  • 6:30 is my favorite time of the day, hands down.
  • I just got a new watch for my birthday, but it’s already broken. I’ve been meaning to take it into the shop, but it’s never the right time.
  • I needed some time for reflection, so I held my watch up to the mirror.
  • Why did the woman keep a clock under her desk. She was committed to working overtime.
  • Tomorrow I heard the funniest joke about time travel.
  • When do the best tennis players go to bed? Tennish!
  • I’ve been meaning to help my wife look for her missing watch, but I can never find the time.
  • I ordered a book on chronology a couple weeks ago and it finally got delivered today. It’s about time.
  • Why did the girl fling her clock off the roof? She wanted to see time fly!
  • When I was younger I experimented with making a belt out of watches, but it ended up being a waist of time.
  • What’s the best way to tell that your clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • The robber barged into the watch store and yelled “hands up!”
  • Did you hear that they fired Jim from the watch shop even after all the extra time he put in?
  • Why do so many people smash their clocks? To kill time.
  • Why wasn’t the clock working properly? It needed a hand.
  • What kind of dog can tell time? A watchdog!
  • You can always tell when a time traveler is hungry because they go back four seconds.

Don’t Tick Us Off, Share These With Your Friends!

We hope this list of funny time puns provided some quality entertainment, and gave you some handy ones to bring up in the future. With a topic like time it should be easy to find a way to include these in conversation, so do it!

If you have any other time puns or jokes that you think should be included, send them our way and we’ll consider adding them above!