53 Funny Spider Puns & Jokes To Take For A Spin

A spider that gives you ideas for puns or jokes

Even though these little critters might freak you out, spider puns and jokes can still be quite funny!

And if you’re someone who is scared of spiders, a good pun can be just the thing to calm your nerves. Thinking about the humor will distract you from the high-pitched squeals that you’re making.

On top of that, but they’re all pretty darn good. And that doesn’t mean “they’re good for a pun”, the list below is actually hilarious!

We had a lot of fun spinning up this list of jokes and puns about spiders, and we plan on using them quite a lot in the near future. You should do the same.

  • What does a spider do when he has a bit of spare time to kill? He goes fly fishing!
  • I saw a spider in my daughter’s shoes this morning. But they didn’t fit him at all!
  • Why does a spider spin a web? Because they don’t know how to knit or crochet!
  • What would you call a tarantula that works at the police force undercover? A spy-der.
  • I considered buying an exotic spider from the nearby pet store. But my friend told me to just get what I wanted on the web. 
  • Why would a spider want to buy a car? So he can take it for a quick spin. 
  • What is Iraqnophobia? The fear of middle-eastern spiders. 
  • What do spiders do when they get mad? They climb the walls. 
  • Where does a spider go when they are having a health problem? WebMD. 
  • What happens when spiders get involved in a love triangle? They end up spinning a tangled web.
  • Pet spiders are very expensive at our local pet shops, so I got one from the web instead.
  • If you are looking for some funny spider puns, all you have to do is look on the web.
  • Why is a spider an excellent swimmer? Because he has webbed feet to help him!
  • Why should you never leave the house when it is raining spiders? Because you could get caught in a bad tarantula downpour!
  • My wife is so scared of spiders that she will leave our house if she sees one. There is one in our kitchen corner, and I’ve been living alone for the past three days now. 
  • I accidentally stepped on a spider this afternoon. It was so sad-he looked really crushed. 
  • If you want to find out the sex of a spider, drop it from a building. If she falls, then your spider is a girl. If he falls, then your spider is a boy. Simple, right?
  • What do you call a spider that has eight long legs and is Irish? Paddy Long Legs.
  • A spider was dining in beautiful Paris with his girlfriend. They enjoyed French fries together. 
  • My son laughed at me when I asked him for a phone book, telling me I was so old and to just use his cell phone. He wasn’t laughing when I used his phone to kill a spider on the floor!
  • I was a bit shook when a little spider crawled on top of my keyboard, but I got it under ctrl quickly. 
  • What do spiders say when they accidentally break their webs? Darn it!
  • A spider tried to explain to his wife why he was so late, but she insisted he was only spinning her a yarn. 
  • How does a spider make more money? He creates his own website. 
  • What do spiders do with the excess flies they catch? They make a side living selling them on the web.
  • I sprayed a spider today with hairspray, hoping to kill it. I don’t think it worked, but now his hair looks beautiful!
  • I smashed a spider that was crawling on the floor with my shoe. I really don’t care how tough a spider is, I’m not letting it steal my shoe from me!
  • I tried to use hairspray to kill a spider, but it just made him stiff. 
  • My wife doesn’t like when I kill spiders-she would rather I take them out instead. So the two of us had some drinks and dinner together. He’s a great guy- mentioned that he wants to become a web designer. 
  • How did one spider find his mate online? He spider on a website. 
  • Why can’t a spider get a job as a pilot? Because they can only tailspin. 
  • If you want to know what spiders eat, it’s easy enough to find out. Just look on the web. 
  • What type of toy is like a spider? A top. They both spin all the time.
  • What is it called when two spiders tie the knot? Newly webs. 
  • I asked my pharmacist if he knew what was good for a spider bite. He told me to find an irate spider. 
  • My new spider silk pants are fabulous, but I keep getting flies stuck to them.
  • How are spiders able to talk to one another? They get on the World Wide Web. 
  • What is a spider with 20 eyes called? A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider. 
  • Who knocks eight times in a row every time they want to come in? A spider.
  • Is there a time that you can watch a spider but not be able to kill it? Yes, when it is on a webcast.
  • What happens if you cross an elephant with a tarantula? I don’t know, but if it is walking across your ceiling, you better get out before the house caves in!
  • What kind of job can a spider get in the technical field? A web designer. 
  • What do spiders do to relax? They surf the web. 
  • If you see a spider dancing, what do you call it? A jitterbug. 
  • My son has this really strange fear of spiders that wear raincoats. It’s called Anorakaphobia.
  • A few of my neighbors have opened their front doors recently and been slapped in the face by a large, aggressive spider. There is definitely a nasty bug going around!
  • When there are lots of spiders in your home, you will have a no-fly zone in no time at all.

Share These On The Web!

We hope this list of spider puns and jokes made you chuckle. It was a lot of fun for us to create and we’re happy we have the opportunity to share them with you (such an honor).

If you have any funny jokes or puns about spiders that you think we should add to the list, send them over! We’ll look over them with a fine-tooth comb to see if they meet our standards of quality and humor, but if they pass then we’ll definitely add them.