30+ Funny Kitchen Puns & Jokes That Panned Out Nicely

A kitchen that makes people think of kitchen puns and jokes

Kitchen puns and kitchen jokes are fantastic for a couple reasons. First, they’re just downright funny. And second, you can use them whenever you want!

We’re constantly eating (or thinking about eating), and spend a ton of time in our kitchens at home. That’s where some good kitchen puns and jokes come in handy!

We think you’ll enjoy the ones we collected below.

  • His wife asked him if he could clear the kitchen.
    He had to get a running start, but he made it.
  • My friend used to sell security alarms within our neighborhood, and she was really good at it.
    If nobody was home, she would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
  • My mother warned me not to take any kitchen utensils.
    However, it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
  • It’s funny how my girlfriend waits for me in the kitchen all night until I return from the pub,
    Only to ask me if I know what time it is.
  • I saw a fly get stuck in a strainer.
    I said, “You got yourself in a fine mesh.”
  • “Can you make me breakfast in bed?” asked my girlfriend,
    I replied, “No. l have to go to the kitchen first.” 
  • My friend worked at a factory where he made kitchen worktops and was very good at his job.
    He was being counter-productive.
  • My girlfriend asked me to take out the spider living in our kitchen.
    A very cool guy. We went to the pub, had a couple of beers, and he told me he wanted to be a web developer.
  • His wife wanted him to say dirty things to her.
    He told her, “Bath, kitchen, living room.”
  • She realized that her kitchen countertop was made of marble.
    She had been taking it for granite all along.
  • She told a joke about the kitchen, but nobody laughed.
    I guess it didn’t pan out.
  • I spotted ten ants frantically running around the kitchen yesterday.
    I felt bad and decided to build a small house for them.
    I’ve become the landlord and will be collecting rent from my tenants.
  • My friend can tell what a kitchen top is made of just by looking at it.
    She’s counter-intuitive.
  • Two people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
    Person 1: It has to be the sink. It’s where you get water for cleaning vegetables and fruits, washing your hands, cooking, and cleaning the dishes after using them.

    Person 2: I’m going with the countertop. Food is prepared on it, and without a counter, there wouldn’t be a sink.

    The first guy was really shocked. He never expected counterargument.
  • I went into the kitchen yesterday morning and told my girlfriend, “Is that coffee I smell?”
    She replied, “It is, and you do.” 
  • He saw a mosquito in the kitchen.
    He could have killed it, but he let it fly away.
    It was probably going to come back and bite him later.
  • What did the cabinet maker give the homeowner after installing new granite surfaces in the kitchen?
    A counter-fit bill.
  • If you cross a chef and a waitress, you will end up with a cold meal.
  • A man walks into a diner and orders a glass of room temperature sweet tea and a grilled cheese sandwich.

    When the food is brought, he takes a sip of the tea, which burns his tongue.

    He yells, “Ow! I thought I asked for room temperature.”

    The waiter goes, “It is sir. The kitchen is on fire.” 
  • My brother was furious when he found me stir-frying our dog.
    I never understood why. He had told me to take it on a wok.
  • My father wanted to join the army, but due to his dyslexia, he became a chef.
    That never dampened his attitude. He went all buns blazing in the kitchen.
  • I tried to put some slices of meat on the top shelf in the kitchen, but the steaks were too high. 
  • She used to install kitchen work surfaces.
    However, she was arrested for counter-fitting.
  • What did Santa’s elves use for cooking in the kitchen?
    A u-tinsel.
  • There’s a kitchen utensil that has been playing classical music.
    I suspect it’s the Chopin board.
  • There was a yogurt floating across my kitchen.
    It must have been paranormal activia.
  • There were some fake noodles in the kitchen cupboard.
    It was an im-pasta.
  • She fell asleep beside the kitchen sink.
    She was completely drained.
  • My friend got a Lord of the Rings-themed kitchen.
    The most interesting part was the hob bit.
  • My girlfriend found me in the kitchen holding a gun.

    Confused, she asked, “What on earth are you doing?”

    I whispered, “Keep quiet. I’m looking for Decepticons.”

    She shrugged and said, “You are sleepwalking again, aren’t you? There are no such things as Decepticons.”

    I blinked twice before I said, “You must be right. I’ve just made an embarrassment of myself.”

    I laughed.

    She laughed.

    The microwave laughed.

    I shot the microwave.

Share These With Your Friends!

Now that you know some funny kitchen puns and kitchen jokes, there’s nothing stopping you from sharing them with your friends and family. They never get old, and you’ll always have an opportunity to use them!

If you know any other kitchen puns or jokes that you think we should add to the list above, send us a quick message! We get submissions from readers all the time, and regularly add anything that we like.