33 Gambling Puns & Jokes You Should Take A Chance On

There’s something about gambling that’s just funny. Even though it can be a rather addictive habit with a bit of a dark side, stories of losing money in dumb ways always brings a smile to someone’s face.

This list of gambling jokes, gambling puns, and gambling one-liners will give you something to chuckle at when you walk away from the casino (without any money).

At least we hope it will!

• This week’s puns and one-liners are about gambling jokes. I should mention that I’m not much of a gambler; my biggest bets seem to be on 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I’m far from an expert on the subject. As is customary, there is no guarantee of hilarity or originality.
• The other night, I was asked to leave the casino. They claimed I was carrying a chip on my shoulder.
• How does one become a millionaire through gambling? Begin by becoming a billionaire.
• I lost money betting on one of the big cats at the zoo. He looked like a cheetah to me.
• When a man walks into a bar, he notices a poker game being played at the far table. When he looks closer, he notices a dog sitting at the table. This piques his interest, and he walks closer, noticing cards and chips in front of the dog.
  
  The next hand is dealt, and the dog is dealt cards. The dog takes turns acting with each of the other players, calling, raising, discarding, and doing everything the other human players did. However, none of the other players appear to be bothered by the fact that they are playing with a dog; instead, they treat him as if he were any other player.
  
  Finally, the man can no longer keep his mouth shut, so he quietly says to one of his hands,
• “I bet you $100 you can’t get that meat down from the top shelf without a ladder,” a gambler says to the butcher’s assistant behind the counter.
• The assistant raises his head, turns to face the gambler, and says: “I’m afraid I can’t accept that wager, sir. The steaks are overpriced.”
• Gambling is similar to eating pistachios. When you find a good pistachio, you want more. You want a good one even more if you get a bad one. In a nutshell, that is gambling for you.
• Every year, I wager with a local farmer on which lamb will jump the highest. I enjoy a good gambol.
• When the collection plate is passed around in Las Vegas, worshippers can put in casino chips. Chips from all of the city’s churches are then collected and transported to a Franciscan monastery outside of town for sorting.
  
  They are then returned to the various casinos to be cashed in.
  
  The chip monks are in charge of this.
• A gambler confided in a friend at the bar, “I had a terrible day of betting today. I lost nine of nine college football games, five of five baseball games, and seven of seven hockey games.”
  
  “Well, at least the soccer games are starting soon,” a friend replied.
  
  “But I don’t know anything about soccer!” said the gambler.
• Now that you’ve finished our pun-tactic list of the top ten gambling jokes, why not see if you can have the last laugh? Join Twin Spires Casino today and try to walk away a winner.
• There’s no need to look for slot machine jokes or tell any casino joke one-liners. However, if you are fortunate, you could be laughing all the way to the bank.
• What do you call a professional poker player who has ended his relationship with his girlfriend? Homeless.
• A gambler walks into a butcher shop and tells the butcher, “I bet you $500 you can’t get the meat down from the top shelf without a ladder.”
• “I can’t take that bet, the steaks are too expensive,” the butcher says.
• I was walking down the street when I tripped over a sign from a nearby betting shop.
• What do you call someone greater at gambling than you? A better better. What are the chances of that happening?
• I sold all of my body parts to fund my gambling habit. Maybe I should give up while I’m ahead.
• My friend’s gambling is out of control. He just bet his newborn son in our poker game. “I might have to raise him,” I reasoned.
• People say gambling destroys lives, but it brought our family closer together. We are now living in a one-bedroom apartment.
• Why are vampires not interested in gambling? When the stakes are raised, they become nervous.
• What does a gambler refer to as heaven? Pair-a-dice.
• The other day, I bet on a giraffe race. Mine came in second place. By a hair’s breadth. It wasn’t even close.
• I took a chance and bought a small boat without first seeing it. It was a gamble.
• I used to enjoy eating chips until I was barred from entering casinos.
• I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop while walking down the road earlier. What are the chances of that happening?
• My friend insisted on skipping through the flower meadows. He appears to have a gambling problem, in my opinion.
• A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me a drink, I just went out with my best friend; we had a fight.”
  The bartender asks, “Why did you have a fight?”
  The man replies, “We both wanted to marry her.”
• Why are professional football players called athletes? They rarely see their wives.
• A man walks into a casino and wins $100 on the first game. He decides to quit while he’s ahead and leave the casino. Before walking away though, he buys an ice cream cone from one of the vendors there. The vendor hands him his change from $100.

Take A Chance And Share These

As you can see, gambling jokes and gambling puns are actually quite funny. All it takes is the right situation for these to get an amazing reaction!

Memorize these and put them to work by sharing them with your friends and family. And as always, if you come up with any funny jokes about gambling that you think we should see, send them over!

We often add suggestions from our readers to the site!