27 Bed Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny

A bed where people tell puns and jokes

Bed puns and bed jokes never cease to be funny. Not only are there a ton of opportunities for a play on words, but the concept behind them can be quite clever as well.

We’ve been having a great time with these and think you will as well. Enjoy!

  • She wrote an amazing story about her bed. She made it herself.
  • My dad told me a myth about two beds placed on each other with a ladder attaching them both. However, I went to the library to find some evidence, and I was actually able to debunk it.
  • What is the one bed that you cannot really sleep on? A river bed.
  • The husband decided to replace the bed with a trampoline without informing his wife. She hit the roof.
  • I have been having trouble sleeping, so I sought a counselor for some advice.
    She told me, “Try sleeping on the edge of the bed, and within no time, you’ll drop off.
  • Simba is known for his lateness in getting out of bed. That’s why he is the lie-in king.
  • There’s this shop around our neighborhood with a bed sale; everything is 50% off.
    I went in to check it out only to find that every bed in the shop was three feet long.
  • Son: Dad, will you come to watch my play tomorrow?
    Dad: What’s it called?
    Son: Breakfast in bed.
    Dad: Did they at least give you a big role?
    Son: No. Just toast with some chocolate butter.
  • What do taller people do in bed? Sleep longer.
  • Friend: Hey, why are you always standing at night?
    Me: My bed is broken, and I’m not lying.
  • I went to seek advice on buying a bed from a friend. He told me, “Before you decide, you should try to sleep on it”
  • He enrolled in a band called Teenager’s Bed. They never made it.
  • Guy 1: Have you watched that popular movie about a bed and zombies?
    Guy 2: Bed and zombies? No. What is it called?
    Guy 1: The Walking Bed
    Bedbugs nowadays are really annoying.
    They have no bedside manners.
  • My friend advised me to follow my dreams. I immediately went back to bed.
  • What were the two pillows doing in bed? Having a pillow talk.
  • Hotel manager: What can I do for today, sir?
    Man: I need room to stay in for the night, two beds.
    Hotel manager: Uh, do you have a traveling companion, sir?
    Man: No. I just love enjoying the silence from the other bed
  • I wanted to make my waterbed more bouncy. So I added spring water.
  • The first thing I do every morning after waking up is make my bed. I guess it’s time I returned this piece of junk to Ikea.
  • A husband bought a waterbed to impress his wife. Since then, they’ve drifted apart.
  • Whenever I have a stressful day, I drink a pint of water before going to bed.
    It always gives me a reason to get up in the morning.
  • What’s an easy and quick way for a husband to turn a sofa into a bed? Forget the wedding anniversary.
  • I have this great pun about a bed, but it has not been made up yet.
  • The bed salesman decided to sell all of his stock for 100% off. He said nothing really mattress anymore.
  • My friend was ashamed when his girlfriend walked in on him playing with their son’s train set all by himself. Out of panic, he took a bed sheet and threw it over it.
    I guess he managed to cover his tracks.
  • Customer: I would like to purchase a bed, please.
    Retailer: Certainly, sir. Do you need a spring mattress?
    Customer: What? No. I want one that I can use the whole year. 
  • What did the blanket do as it fell off the bed? It yelled, “Oh Sheet.”
  • An old Irish guy was staying at a bed and breakfast in Devon.
    To make a good first impression, the hotel manager serves the man a full English breakfast on the first morning of his stay. The meal included tomatoes, mushrooms, beans, black pudding, a fried slice, bacon, sausages, and two pieces of bread and butter.

    Later, before the man leaves, the manager tries to get feedback on the breakfast she has just served. He tells her in his thick Irish accent, “Aye. The meal was very lovely, dear. However, my breakfast usually has a wee bit more bread.”

    The manager takes the criticism into account, and on the following day, she serves the same breakfast, but this time she includes four slices of bread and butter.

    After the man has finished his breakfast, she approaches him with a grin and asks him if the meal is to his liking.
    The old guy tells her,”Aye. It was very nice, very nice. But my breakfast usually has a wee bit more bread.”

    As the week goes by, the manager increases the slices of bread, and the man keeps giving his usual gentle criticism. Frustrated, she decides to go to the bakery and buys an unsliced loaf.
    The manager cuts the loaf into two halves and applies a thick butter spread over each half.

    Smiling, she goes to the man after he is done with his breakfast and asks, “Was the breakfast good today, sir?”

    Nodding amiably, the man replies, “ Aye, it was really good. But I see we’re back to two slices of bread again.”

Don’t Let Your Friends Sleep On These!

We hope you had a fun time with these bed puns and bed jokes. This was one of our favorite lists to make, and we’ll be adding more to it over time.

If you have any other bed puns or jokes that we should add, send them our way! We look at all of the messages we get and will include anything that makes us chuckle.