37 Funny Umbrella Puns & Jokes To Sprinkle Around

A funny looking umbrella

There are so many fantastic umbrella puns and umbrella jokes out there that it can take a while to read through all of them. This list took a lot longer to create than we expected!

Below are the funniest umbrella puns and jokes you can find online. Check them out and let us know what you think!

  • When did the detective carry an umbrella?
    Because he was undercover.
  • My friend wants a chicken-proof umbrella.
    She wants to use it when the weather is fowl.
  • What kind of pub should you go to with an umbrella?
    An Isobar.
  • Why do folks in the city usually carry umbrellas?
    Because umbrellas can’t walk.
  • The IRS agent told the older man he couldn’t deduct an umbrella.
    He asked, “Why not? It’s overhead, isn’t it?” 
  • The man put the umbrella away and opened his wallet.
    He was expecting some change in the weather.
  • I just got off work at the umbrella factory.
    I was only covering for my friend.
  • Why did she put a tiny umbrella in a dry martini?
    To keep it from getting wet.
  • Umbrella companies can never be trusted.
    They run a shady business.
  • I tried to tell my friends some clever jokes about umbrellas.
    But they just went over their heads.
  • A teacher asks her class to draw and color a dog holding an umbrella. She notices Jake coloring his dog green and asks him,
    “Where did you see a green dog?”
    He replies,
    “Where did you see a dog holding an umbrella?” 
  • Two umbrellas are having a chat.
    Umbrella 1: You don’t look too good. Is everything alright?
    Umbrella 2: No. I’ve actually been feeling under the weather.
  • What is the name of a parrot with an umbrella?
    Polly unsaturated.
  • My friend studying Economics advised me to put something away for a rainy day.
    I’ve decided to go for an umbrella.
  • My wife asked me why Santa uses a big umbrella.
    I told her, “Because of all the rain, dear.” 
  • I saw a man selling umbrellas the other day.
    Ironically, he didn’t have an umbrella. I was curious and asked him why. He replies, “I don’t like to stay dry off my own supply.” 
  • Why did Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
    Fo’ drizzle.
  • An arrogant rich man was talking to his servant.
    Rich man: Go and water the flowers.
    Servant: But it’s already raining, sir.
    Rich man: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
  • I’m tired of visitors soaking my floor when they come to my house.
    I think it is time to make a stand.
  • My girlfriend bought me an expensive umbrella, and she has been holding it over my head ever since.
  • What always catches someone’s eye?
    Short people with umbrellas.
  • A farmer and a penguin walk into a pub.
    The penguin starts devouring the tiny, fancy drink umbrellas. The bartender tells the farmer,
    “Your eggplant has to pay for those.”
    The penguin replies, “He is not an eggplant. He is retarded.
  • The person who invented the umbrella wanted to name it the “Brella.”
    However, he hesitated.
  • I gave a girl my umbrella the other day.
    The number of girls I’ve made wet this year is now -1.
  • The umbrella was vexed that it rained every time she went out.
    So she stormed out and winded up leaving.
  • How did the three elephants standing under one umbrella not get wet?
    It was not raining.
  • Why was there an umbrella on the ice cream?
    Because there were too many sprinkles.
  • My umbrella broke in half.
    It’s okay, though, since there is only a 50% chance of rain.
  • Yesterday at the beach, a man was sleeping on a towel opposite the lifeguard, adjacent to an unopened umbrella.
    When he woke up, he was a tan gent.
  • The Penguin opened his umbrella during Batman’s family reunion.
    He said it was a Wayne-y day.
  • My wife and I were driving in the car the other day when our six-year-old son found an umbrella and opened it.
    My wife screamed at him to close the umbrella since it was not safe to open it in a moving vehicle.
    I told her there was no need to overreact since the car had Umbrella insurance.
  • Why doesn’t the angel use an umbrella?
    Because he’s too holy.
  • Why did the umbrella need to go to the therapist?
    He was told he had trouble opening up.
  • Dad: What do you get when you cross a road with an umbrella?
    Me: I don’t know that one.
    Dad: To the other side, nice and dry.
  • The weather forecast calls for rain, therefore, I’ll bring an umbrella.
    It is the wetness protection program.
  • My friend asked her iPhone, “Do I really need to carry an umbrella?”
    Siri said, “Yes. Don’t call me Shirley again.”
    Apparently, she had left Airplane mode on.
  • Paddington without an umbrella is a drizzly bear.

Share These With Your Friends & Family!

Now that you know all of the funniest umbrella puns and umbrella jokes, you can start sharing them with others. These will always bring a little smile to the face of whoever hears them, so go out and spread some joy!

If you know any other great umbrella puns or jokes that we missed, send them over. If we like what we see, we’ll go back and add them to the list above.