19 Chimney Jokes & Puns That Are Actually Funny
Chimney jokes and chimney puns are fun year-round, but they really come into their own in the winter. Trust us, it’s handy to know some of these the next time you’re with someone making a fire!
This list of chimney jokes and puns will give you a good chuckle the next time you’re trying to warm things up.
- I was watching the news this evening and at the end of the broadcast they announced the winner of the latest lottery draw as a local chimney sweep. They called it the greatest sweep’s take on record.
- What is the nickname Santa’s reindeer have for him when he goes down a lit chimney? Crispy Kringle!
- Apparently, we don’t have to leave milk and cookies out for Santa this year because the Elf & Safety committee decided that jumping down chimneys was not safe.
- What does Santa use to remember each chimney that he has gone down during his Christmas Eve world tour? A log book!
- The chimney company had its annual report today and it seems that sales were through the roof this year, but the firewood department was a totally different story. It was up in smoke.
- What did the squirrel say to his friends about camping in the fireplace of the house next to their tree? I slept like a log!
- I had the surprise of a lifetime when I was cleaning my chimney today. There was all kinds of sporting equipment stuffed up there, including a hockey stick, some goalie pads, a cricket paddle and I was not even half done. What’s next, a bat?
- What do you call it when the winter storms are so bad that chimneys start to collapse on all the houses around town? A bad flue season.
- Why was the contractor so excited about the chimney sale? Because it was on the house!
- What do you call an orange drink that gets delivered via chimney drop during the holidays? Fanta Claus.
- What do you call the exception in the breaking and entering law that does not cover thieves that enter through an open chimney? The Santa clause.
- Why does Santa no longer like coming down the chimney to deliver gifts at Christmas? Because he came down with a severe case of Claus-trophobia in his later years.
- I was preparing the fireplace for a wood fire this evening when I overheard Santa coughing and talking with his reindeer on the roof. Santa may be coming down with a cold.
- I needed to get the chimney cleaned before winter hits, so I called a professional chimney sweep to get a quote for the job. He said it would cost about fifteen hundred. Shocked, I blurted out that I would do it myself for that price, to which he replied, ‘“Soot yourself” and hung up.
- Why should you never assume that a janitor is the same thing as a professional chimney sweeper? Because that’s a sweeping generalization.
- My boss asked why the chimney sweeper called in sick to work today? I told him that he must have come down with a touch of the flue.
- A big chimney and a small chimney are chilling on the same house when the little chimney suddenly lets out a cloud of smoke. The big chimney gasps and says “you’re too little to be smoking,” to which the little chimney responds “AHHHH, A TALKING CHIMNEY!”
- An elderly man was watching his favorite show on the television one night when an emergency alert came up on the screen warning of a flood in the area and advising everyone to get to higher ground.
Thinking he was far enough out of the danger zone, he ignored the alert and kept watching his show.
A short while later, he notices water seeping under his front door and realizes that he is actually in the flood zone. He moves to the upper floor of his home, but the water continues to rise. He hangs out his bedroom window looking for a way to the roof and sees a rescue boat coming up what should be his street. They spot him and urge him to get on the boat. He thanks them but declines their offer and continues to climb onto his roof.
Hours later, the water has risen to the base of the roof and a rescue helicopter flies overhead and an emergency responder yells down to him “Sir, we really need you to come with us, it’s not safe here.”
Once again, the man turns away their help.
Soon after, the water rises above the roof and the man is swept away and perishes. He reaches heaven and when he is greeted by Jesus, he asks why Jesus didn’t save him from the flood.
Jesus looks at the man with a stern face and says “I sent a warning, a boat and a helicopter to your aid and you refused them all. What else could I have done?”
What Did You Think?
We hope that some of these chimney jokes and chimney puns gave you a good laugh. We’ve been having a blast sharing these with our friends and family (you should do the same).
If you happen to know any other good chimney jokes that we should add to the list, send them our way. We’re always on the lookout for more!