35 Funny Lettuce Puns & Jokes You Can Bring To The Table

A funny looking piece of lettuce

Funny lettuce puns and lettuce jokes are perfect because they’re extremely versatile. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about this food or not, you can easily find a way to mention these puns in your conversations.

So give this list a read and let us know what you think! Lettuce puns and jokes are one of our favorite topics now, so we think you’ll like them.

  • An epileptic head of lettuce makes the very best seizure salad you can eat.
  • When the lettuce saw the salad dressing, he blushed like purple cabbage.
  • Have you ever heard about the lettuce who was a hopeless romaine-tic? 
  • Lettuce also gets very sad sometimes since it carries around a whole lot of emotional cabbage.
  • The lettuce is the favorite in the body-building competition because it starts ahead and is usually shredded. 
  • Lettuce love to listen to music on their really expensive headphones.
  • The only rabbit that lettuce wasn’t afraid of told the lettuce to Romaine calm. He only wanted the carrots.
  • When bowls of salad go to church, group prayers begin with a simple “lettuce pray.”
  • Beware of the tainted lettuce if you are a major produce supplier, we may soon see the fall of the entire Romaine empire.
  • When the lettuce transportation truck tipped over on the highway, they polite asked everyone to Romaine calm while they assessed and cleaned it up. 
  • A pile of spinach was confusingly identified as romaine lettuce and everyone was upset because it had lettuce to the wrong conclusion.
  • The Titanic is terribly afraid of lettuce, especially if it’s iceburg. 
  • Have you heard about the lettuce that got a promotion? He’s the new head of the department. 
  • Whenever I make a salad I like to include every kind of lettuce that I can. It allows me to leaf my options open.
  • One sailor asked the other what would happen if they threw lettuce into the ocean. The second man was curious and said lettuce see what happens. 
  • The men who lost the queen’s lettuce were found guilty and thusly lost their heads. 
  • Whenever lettuce and tomatoes have a race it ends up the same way. The lettuce ends up a head and the tomato is behind playing ketchup.
  • When I went to the store the other day I had to call my wife because I was uncertain of how much lettuce to purchase. Next time I will remember that two heads are always better than one.
  • When veggies go to visit a friend they knock, wait, and when no one answers knock again and yell, “Lettuce in!!
  • When the newly appointed CEO of the company was being interviewed about how a lettuce got the important job, she stated that she always was one to know how to get ahead.
  • The lettuce constantly ran late to all her appointments. She just couldn’t get a head of the clock.
  • When the lettuce was thrilled about the new carpet that it had picked to lay in the house. It was a lovely a-rug-ula.
  • The lettuce was ready for the road trip that it was going to take to Kale-ifornia.
  • Our rabbit came to the grocery store with us and was incredibly hungry and ran off. If you see him will you please be sure to lettuce know?
  • When lettuce goes on a date with another veggie he always takes them to the same salad bar.
  • I always find that the issue with lettuce is a lack of flavor. It is the first thing I am addressing every time. 
  • When a head of lettuce wants to be a helpful member of the community, it joins the brussel sprouts. 
  • Make sure that you close the fridge when you’re done so that you don’t see the salad dressing. 
  • The lettuce was pleased with the deal she had gotten on her new phone. She even got a free celery-phone to use.
  • The carrot asked the lettuce if he would be her boyfriend by asking him to peas be mine.
  • Every person who wants to enter the salad eating contest must call and lettuce know about their participation.
  • A climate specialist seemed to be having an issue in the lettuce aisle at the grocery store. She was very concerned that all the icebergs would vanish and also I told her to buy romaine instead.
  • I was confused when I saw my friend put a few leaves of lettuce on her toddlers neck before dinner. She laughed and told me it was bibb lettuce.
  • I don’t know why people look at me so weird when I mend my clothes myself, maybe it is the cabbage patches I use. 

Which Ones Did You Like The Most?

Out of all these funny lettuce puns and lettuce jokes, we’re curious which ones stood out to you. Everyone has their own brand of humor, and this list of puns had something for everyone.

If you know any other great lettuce puns or jokes, reach out to us and share them! We’re always looking for more to add.