29 Funny Grape Puns & Jokes You Haven’t Heard Before

A picture of grapes designed to make you think of grape jokes and puns

When putting together this list of funny grape puns and grape jokes, it was hard to pick our favorites. There are so many out there!

Check out these puns and tell us what you think. We’ve been loving them, and hope you do too.

  • Why are grapes immune to loneliness? Because they grow in bunches.
  • What did the purple grapes say to the green grapes next to them on the vine? It’s fun hanging around with all of you!
  • What did the grape say to the waiter when they asked him if he would like a drink with his meal? Sure, wine not!
  • A grape fell from the vine and dried up today but it wasn’t upset. Everything happens for a raisin I guess.
  • What fruit do batteries like the best? Currants!
  • What do you call it when a professor teaches their students all of the benefits to eating dried grapes? Raisin awareness!
  • What does a grape say when it is stepped on? Nothing, it just wines a bunch.
  • There is a new wine shop in town that only sells award winning vintages. It’s called Best Cellar.
  • What do you call a wine hangover? The wrath of grapes.
  • What did the judge tell the grape when he asked why he was disqualified from the limbo contest? He told the grape that he kept raisin the bar too much.
  • What do you call good decisions made by a grape? Fruitful thoughts.
  • Did you hear about the grape that fell into a mixer but survived unscathed? The grape didn’t even thank the mixer for sparing it. What an ungrapeful fruit!
  • What did the green grape say to the purple grape at the vineyard reunion? It sure is grape to see you again!
  • How do grape growers measure the length of their grape vines? They measure them in vineyards!
  • What do grapes do when something bad happens? They vine and vine some more.
  • What do you call a bunch of angry grapes? Sour!
  • My cousin was eating grapes today when he started choking on one. Before anyone could do anything, he stood completely still, focused real hard and forced out a breath which cleared the grape. I guess you could say he concord it!
  • I heard the new song by the Preserved Grapes on the radio today and really liked it. In fact, I think it is my new currant jam!
  • I finally made the perfect grape jelly after years of trying and failing. I have officially achieved grapeness!
  • What did Merlin say to the Scottish grape after it rescued King Arthur and the knights of the round table during a surprise attack? Grape Scott!
  • What was the name of the historical figure that was purple and wanted to rule the whole world? Alexander the Grape!
  • What caused the grape to come to a sudden stop in the middle of the highway? It ran out of juice!
  • What did the scientist say when he was finally ready to test his new ultra laser on a fresh batch of grapes? It’s time to distinct-a-grape!
  • Why was the purple grape yelling at the green grape? Because the green grape was holding its breath.
  • I overheard a farmer talking to a customer at his fruit stand today and thought it was quite funny. The customer asked the farmer how he approached growing such magnificent grapes, to which the farmer replied “Firstly, I do not grow grapes, I raisin them instead.”
  • A scientist and a farmer were at the store when they met. They were both reaching for the last bottle of grape juice on the shelf and both told the other to go ahead and take it. Grape minds really do think alike.
  • My girlfriend and I were discussing what to do after work yesterday and I told her I had an article to finish for a deadline, to which she responded “I’m sure you will be able to squash that in no time without wine-ing!”
  • I went to a wine tasting at the local vineyard this past weekend but the fermentation must not have been done yet as the wines tasted off to me. When I mentioned this to my wife she said “They must have used sour grapes for that batch.”

Did You Like This Batch?

Hopefully these funny grape puns and grape jokes made you laugh as hard as we did. The neat thing about this topic is that there’s a ton of versatility and plenty of options for using them!

And for anyone who knows other grape puns and jokes that we didn’t include, let us know! We’ll add the ones we like.