27 Knife Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny (Trust Us)

A drawing of a funny knife

It’s always handy to know some knife puns and knife jokes, because they’re all around us! It doesn’t matter if you’re at home or out at a restaurant, knives are nearby.

It’s a little unsettling when you think about it.

But to help you overcome that spooky thought, sharing some funny knife puns and jokes will always lighten the mood and bring a smile to the face of the people you’re eating with. Give this list a read and let us know what you think!

  • Why should you never get behind a knife salesman on the highway? Because they are likely to cut you off.
  • Where do knives go for a fun night out? The chopping block!
  • How do you deal with a friend that betrays you and steals your pocket knife? You simply cut ties with them.
  • What do you call a band with nothing but knives in it? Cutting Crew!
  • Why was the knife able to so easily cut through the cheddar cheese? Because it was so sharp!
  • What made the knife salesman so forthcoming about his digestive issues? He knew that there was no hiding his cutting of the cheese.
  • Why is it so much worse watching a kid learning to use a real knife than a plastic knife? Because a real knife puts us on edge.
  • What is another way to describe a new knife set to your friends? It’s the latest in cutting edge technology!
  • I tapped the side of my knife on the edge of the counter today and it made a melodic noise unlike anything I have ever heard before. It was a real balisong!
  • What do you get when a skeleton is wielding a knife? A soulless killer!
  • I tried to make a joke about knives to my friends the other day, but it fell flat. I don’t think I could cut it as a comedian.
  • How do you win a knife fight against a bunch of clowns? Go for the juggler first!
  • Which kind of knife is used by chefs to connect them to a Bluetooth network? A pairing knife!
  • How do knives greet each other upon first meeting? They say “Knife to meet you!”
  • What do you call a dull box cutter? An approximate knife!
  • How is a knife and an argument with someone so different? Most knives actually have a point.
  • What is the most popular video game with the cutlery youth these days? Fork Knife!
  • I took a cooking course at the local college this year and got some great tips out of it. I can see myself using these knives for a long time.
  • What kind of knife is capable of slicing through four loaves of bread at the same time? A four loaf cleaver!
  • What do you call a knife salesman wearing a suit and tie? A sharply dressed bladesman.
  • I didn’t get the job at the knife factory after my second interview. Curious, I asked why. The human resources person said I just didn’t make the cut.
  • Why should you never use a dull knife to cut your food? Because it’s a pointless effort.
  • Which type of blade do cows prefer to use in the kitchen? Moo-chettes!
  • What do you call a person that stops a knife fight with a stirring utensil? A real whisk taker!
  • My friend is a guard at the local prison and he was telling me about this inmate that he was sure was a knight in a past life. When I asked him what made him think so, he told me that the man would never take a knife to a downed man or stab anyone in the back. He was completely chivalrous.
  • My family gathered together for a turkey dinner this past holiday season, and when my cousin was asked to cut the turkey, he accidentally cut his hand. His brother jumped up and rushed over to his aid, grabbing his hand and twisting.
    The cousin with the cut screamed and yelled “Bro, what are you doing?”
    His brother looked surprised and replied “I thought I was supposed to apply a turn-a-cut!”
  • I heard a conversation with a couple of utensils while I was waiting for my food at the magical cafe near my home today. It went something like this:
    The fork says to the spoon, “Which ladle was that you were with last night?”
    “It wasn’t a ladle at all. It was a knife. I find it helps get my point across much more easily,” replied the spoon.

These Were Pretty Sharp Right?

We hope you had a great time with these knife puns and knife jokes. We didn’t think there would be much to them when we started working on this list, but we were definitely wrong!

If you know any other funny ones we should add to this list, send them our way. We love seeing what gems our readers have found.