There are a surprising amount of funny construction jokes and puns out there. We didn’t believe that this was a particularly funny topic at first, but we were quickly proven wrong (you’d think we would know better by now).
When you look at the available word options the possibilities are endless. Screw, saw, and hammer are all great examples of words with double meanings that you can use to create (or build) the perfect joke.
We hope you enjoy these jokes and puns about construction. We sure do!
- One of our construction workers just quit because he wasn’t strong enough to do the work. He gave us his two-weak notice.
- I took a quiz about construction work. I screwed it up. I took it again and I nailed it.
- I knew a guy who operated a steamroller for a living. He was known to be quite good with flattery.
- What do construction workers say before they begin a job. Let’s make sure we don’t screw this up.
- A construction worker and a cheating wife were having an affair. They bonded through conversations about the things they had most in common. They were both home wreckers.
- I didn’t expect much from the movie about construction workers, but it was actually quite riveting.
- What do construction workers say when they successfully complete a task? Nailed it!
- I didn’t want to believe my cousin was a construction site thief, but one afternoon, when I decided to visit his house, all the signs were there.
- Have you heard the famous miracle about the blind construction worker? One day he just picked up a hammer and saw.
- Why do construction workers make bad bartenders? When you order a stiff drink, they bring you a glass full of cement.
- What is a construction worker’s favorite dance move? Raise the roof.
- Why did the construction worker not get fired for stealing a jackhammer? There wasn’t enough concrete evidence.
- The shovel remains one of the most groundbreaking construction tools ever.
- Why do dogs make great construction workers? They’re natural roofers.
- A hopeless romantic drives a steamroller. He’s also quite a flatterer.
- A construction worker falls madly in love with a beautiful woman. At first he isn’t sure how to talk to her. One day he decides to use his job skills to win her over. All he has to do is build up his confidence, hammer home his feelings, and try not to screw it up. He just might nail it.
- My manager asked me for a blueprint so I stuck my hand in blue ink and pressed my palm on his desk.
- I respectfully applaud the workers who dedicate themselves to the construction of Big Ben. They really work around the clock.
- What is a construction worker’s favorite view? The OSHA
- No one believes that I was able to cut through wood by staring at when I was a kid. But trust me, I saw it with my own eyes!
- Two construction workers are having lunch on a park bench when they notice an attractive lady doing stretches on the other side of the park. They begin catcalling and shouting for her attention. Finally she stops to look up at them. The two workers then start gesturing toward the lady and indicating for her to lift up her shirt to show them her breasts. Nervously, she looks around to make sure nobody is watching. Nobody is, so she slowly lifts up her shirt, and the men whistle loudly again out of excitement. The lady unexpectedly slips her shirt over her head and the two workers get even more excited and begin shouting for her to strip off the rest of her clothes. After another nervous glance around the park, the lady slowly begins to strip the rest of her clothing. When she is fully naked, she begins to make her way across the park toward the workers, who stand nervously still, watching her approach and staring at her naked body. She finally makes it over to them, places a hand each on both of their chests, and seductively whispers, “Your turn boys. I wanna see your nuts. Which one of you wants to show me first?” The workers glance at one another, looking nervous and slightly confused. One of them finally volunteers. Suddenly, he begins waving his arms in the air, running around in circles and yelling “WHEEEEEEE!” The other worker laughs. “That’s not what she meant, you idiot!” The lady giggles. “Show him what I mean. Show me your nuts.” The other worker winks and nods in understanding. Then he slowly reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of bolts and screws.
- There once was a roofer who was known for being a busybody. He always did such a terrible job that people were beginning to wonder why he was still not fired. One day, he had a talk with his boss and a few coworkers, and they finally figured out why the busybody was so terrible at his job. Turns out he just couldn’t stop eavesdropping.
- Dogs should have construction jobs. They are very good at roofing.
- A construction worker walked into a bar. “Good evening,” said the bartender. “You look like you had a rough day at work.” The worker nodded. “It was unusually rough today.” The bartender, looking sympathetic, nodded back and asked, “You want the usual tonight?” The construction worker thought for a moment. “No,” she said after a moment, “I’m off work tomorrow, and I have someone on the way here to pick me up. I think I’ll order a stiff drink.” The bartender took down the order and walked away. About five minutes later, she came back and handed the worker a large glass of cement.
- I once had a construction job. I quit after less than a year because I just couldn’t handle it like I originally thought. I told my best friend about it. “I couldn’t take it,” I told him. “I wasn’t physically or mentally strong enough.” My friend was very supportive. “That’s completely understandable,” he said. “You did what you needed to do. But did you just walk away, or did you hand over a too weak notice?”
- There once was a construction worker who had an accident on the job. He got dirt in his eye and became blind. He was advised to stay home and heal for a while with the promise that he could come back to work when he learned to work around his blindness. His best friend also began doing little tests with him every day. His friend would encourage him to walk around for a few minutes, pick things up and determine what they were. He received a call from his friend at the end of every day to recap things that he picked up and guessed correctly, and if any of his eyesight had happened to come back. One day he got a call from his friend at the end of the day, which he answered with excitement. “Hey guess what?” He told his buddy, “Today I picked up a hammer and saw!”
Aren’t You Happy You Saw These?
Some of these construction jokes are a bit long, while the ones in a classic pun format are a bit more bite-sized. No matter what your preference is, this list should have something for everybody.
While this list is pretty comprehensive, we know there are tons of other possibilities out there. If you think of any good ones and want to share, we’d be honored to add it above without giving you an ounce of credit.