31 Funny Broccoli Puns & Jokes That You’ll Actually Like

Funny broccoli puns and broccoli jokes are perfect for the dinner table. They’re family-friendly, clever, and also quite silly!

Take a look at this list and pick out some of your favorites. We’ve been obsessed with sharing these, and think you will be too.

Who is the head of the vegetable debate team? The broccoli-der!
What does broccoli use to repair its torn pants? Vegetable patches.
What does broccoli use when taking its dog for a walk around the block? A brocco-leash.

What do you get when you mix broccoli with a crocodile? A brocco-dile!
A broccoli and an onion got into a fight on a fishing boat, causing it to sink. When the investigators published their report, the cause was listed as “Boat sunk as a result of a brocco-leak split in the hull.
What do you get when you cross a watermelon with a head of broccoli? Melon-ccoli.

What do you call broccoli that is really sad? A melon-ccoli vegetable.
There is one key difference between boogers and broccoli. What is it? Children do not always eat broccoli.
What do you call a vampire that has been genetically altered with broccoli? Count Broccula!

It was revealed that Bruce Lee had a brother. Can you guess what his name is? Broccoli!
My cousin was complaining about his co-workers continuously calling him broccoli instead of his real name. When I asked him why they were doing it, he said it was because he was having a bad hair day.
A broccoli and a cauliflower robbed a bank the other day. When they were making their getaway, they got in a cab and instructed the radish behind the wheel to floret!

Why was the broccoli so upset about being served with dinner? Because it was really steaming!
When I got home from the grocery store, I noticed that the head of broccoli that I decided to leave in the produce section had somehow made it into my produce bag. It was then that I realized that the broccoli was stalk-ing me!
Why does the tomato always win races against the broccoli? Because it is not a vegetable.

The broccoli got a flat tire on the way to work and when he phoned the tow company for assistance, they asked him if he had an extra tire, to which he replied “Of course I have an asparagus!”
What is the name of the condition that causes people to randomly yell the names of Cruciferous vegetables? Florets!
Why is broccoli referred to as a royal vegetable? Because it has many crowns.

Which vegetable is the chicken’s favorite to eat? Broc, broc, boccoli!
Why are the vegetables afraid of the lake? Because that is where the Broc Ness monster lives.
Did you hear the new nickname they gave Dwayne Johnson after he went vegan? Dwayne ‘The Broc’ Johnson.

What is broccoli’s favorite month of the year? Broc-tober.
What do you call the act of stealing broccoli from a farmer’s pocket? Pick-broc-eting.
While the cook was greeting a customer, an argument broke out amongst the broccoli, cauliflower, radishes and brussel sprouts in the kitchen. The cook paused mid greeting, gave the customer an apologetic look and said “Excuse me a moment, I have some floret management to take care of real quick.”

My mom wanted to plant a bunch of broccoli seeds in the garden today, but it was already brocc-upied by volunteer veggies from last year.
I went to see the doctor today and while I was waiting in the lobby for my appointment, another patient came in with broccoli stuffed up one nostril, a carrot sticking out of his left ear, and a bunch of corn in his hair. The doctor came out of his office and instead of greeting us, he immediately looked at the patient and said “I can already tell you what your problem is, you are not eating right!”

Were These Tasty?

We hope you liked this list of funny broccoli puns and broccoli jokes. We certainly got a good chuckle out of these!

Also, we’d love it if you shared any other good ones with us. If we like what you send over, we’ll find room to include them above!