25 Funny Blanket Puns & Jokes That Will Surprise You

A red folded blanket

We love blanket puns and blanket jokes so much that we couldn’t help ourselves when we had the opportunity to put this list together. This is one of our favorite topics because the puns can be clever, goofy, and memorable!

Give this list a read and let us know what you think. We think you’ll like these as much as we do!

  • How did the blanket react when it was kicked off the bed in the middle of the night? It yelled “Oh sheet!”
  • The night is getting late and I still haven’t finished this blanket for the craft faire tomorrow. I hate looming deadlines.
  • Why was the pepper wrapped in a blanket in the fridge? Because it was feeling chilli.
  • What do you call a Christmas song named after a blanket? Fleece Navidad!
  • Why should you never let a blanket use Reddit? Because it will always have a high thread count.
  • Why was the quality specialist fired from the blanket factory? He was always too wrapped up in his work.
  • It is so hard not to make blanket statements these days. They have become such a quilty pleasure of mine.
  • Have you heard the new single by the Quilted Bards? That’s the new cover band everyone is talking about.
  • Why should the bread slice not have used the electric blanket while sleeping? It kept getting toasty and jumping out of bed all night.
  • What are the two most important components to making a bed during the winter? Ice sheets and thick blankets of snow.
  • A patient came into the hospital wrapped in a blanket. During the hustle to get them in a room, their blanket fell off and they never recovered.
  • What do you get when you wrap a snowman in a blanket? You get a brrrrrito!
  • The blanket asked the pillow if it would like to come for a visit, to which the pillow responded with “I’m down!”
  • A man was checking out of his hotel room and the front desk person asked him how he enjoyed his stay.
    “It was a terrifying experience. I woke in the midst of the night and all my blankets were gone. I was scared sheetless.” exclaimed the man.
  • What do you call an ultra soft blanket? Microsoft.
  • Why are weighted blankets so good at calming people down? Because they use compression, which is the opposite of tension.
  • I taught my Granny how to shop online last month and she ordered a weighted blanket but it took forever to arrive. Thankfully, she wasn’t upset. In fact, she said it was well worth the weight.
  • I brought a blanket to work the other day and my co-workers started asking me if I was a spy. I asked them why they would ask me that, to which they replied “because you are always working undercover these days.”
  • How do you stay warm in a cold room without blankets or a heavy sweater? Huddle in the corner, it’s always ninety degrees there.
  • My brother threw a blanket over my laptop earlier and now I can’t get it to come out of sleep mode.
  • Why did the little boy put all of his books under the blankets on his bed? Because he was told he needed to cover more of the syllabus if he was ever going to be successful in life.
  • A quilt and a duvet were playing a competitive video game. After a rather fierce match, the duvet was victorious.
    The quilt turns to the duvet and says, “Well plaid!”
  • A pig farmer and a dairy farmer were having coffee at the diner. The pig farmer asks “Why did you have blankets on all of your cows this past winter?”
    The dairy farmer smiles and says, “because they were friesian.”
  • “Being a spy is all fun and games until you end up in a city with heavy winds and nothing but a blanket for camouflage,” I said to my wife after returning from my latest assignment.
    “Why is that honey,” she asked?
    “Because your cover is constantly being blown,” I replied!
  • The bed knew it was on its last leg with its owner and feared it would soon be replaced. The blankets knew it was up to them to make the bed feel better, so they all hopped up on the bed and spread themselves out over it and said, “don’t worry, we got you covered!”

Wrap Yourself Up In These!

Take your favorite blanket puns and blanket jokes from this list and start sharing them with your friends (and tell everyone where you found these). The best puns are the ones that get shared with others.

If you know any other blanket puns that you think we should know about, share them! We’ll make sure to look through all submissions and pick the ones we like the most.