37 Funny Bank Jokes & Puns You Can Loan To Your Friends

It’s always enjoyable to tell a funny bank joke or bank pun. These massive institutions have so much influence on our lives (and can be quite frustrating to deal with), so it’s nice to poke fun at them from time to time.

This list of bank jokes and puns was quite cathartic to put together. We may even tell one the next time we deposit a check!

• The football coach went to the bank angry.
  He wanted his quarterback.
• The local bank must really love me.
  I keep getting messages that my loan is outstanding.
• Why did the teller lose her job at the bank?
  An old man asked her to check his balance so she tipped him over.
• When did it rain money?
  When there was a “change” in weather
• Why was the skeleton unable to rob the bank?
  He didn’t have the guts.
• My friend told me he has no interest in banking.
  He was not a loan.
• Why are Irish bankers prosperous?
  Because their capital’s always Dublin.
• Why was the river wealthy?
  Because it had two banks.
• Why was the tightrope walker at the bank?
  To check her balance.
• A horse jockey and a basketball player just robbed the bank.
  The police are looking high and low for culprits.
• Why did the bank manager purchase cows?
  To beef up security.
• What do you call a person with a head full of change?
  Headquarters.
• What did the nut say when it went into the bank?
  Give me all the cashew you have.
• Where do fish store their money?
  In the riverbank.
• Why did the goalkeeper have so much money in the bank?
  He was really good at saving
• My friend used to have an account in a bank at the North Pole.
  They froze all his assets.
• What do you get when you cross a banker and a fish?
  A loan shark.
• Why did the old lady take raisins to the bank?
  She wanted to set up a current account.
• What’s the difference between a catastrophe and a tragedy?
  A tragedy is when a boat full of bankers is sinking in the ocean.
  A catastrophe is when they can all swim.
• Bankers don’t die.
  They just lose interest.
• Give a man a shotgun and he will rob a bank.
  Give a man a bank and he will rob everybody.
• If a lawyer and a banker were both drowning and you could only save one?
  Would you read the paper or go to lunch?
• A woman visits her bank manager and asks,
  “How do I start a small business?”
  The bank manager replies,
  “Start a big one and wait six months?
• A young man was newly appointed as a clerk in a bank. The branch manager was fond of books and Literature. She asked the clerk,
  “Do you know William Shakespeare?”
  The clerk replied,
  “Not really. Which branch is he in?”
• A man robbed the bank while wearing a suit made of mirrors.
  However, after taking some time to reflect, he turned himself in.
  Fortunately, the judge was lenient since he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
• Why did the old man put his money in the freezer?
  He wanted cold, hard cash.
• A banker is a person who gives you his umbrella when the sun is shining but demands it back immediately after it starts to rain.
• A man walks into a bank, pulls out a shotgun, points it at the teller, and shouts,
  “Give me all the money you have or you are geography”
  Puzzled, the teller asks, “Don’t you mean ‘history’?”
  The man replies, “Don’t change the subject.”
• My friend was addicted to banking.
  The withdrawals were the hardest part.
• He wanted to do a bank robbery since it was a safe job.
• What did the tree do after the bank’s closure?
  Started its branch.
• Why is borrowing money from a pessimist the best option?
  He won’t expect it back.
• I wanted to apply for a personal loan at the bank.
  I told them I wanted to be a rapper and, suddenly, they didn’t want to Post Malone.
• What was the patron told by the bank teller?
  “Bank you very much.”
• Three men walk into a bakery; a social worker, a government employee, and an investment banker.
  
  The lady at the counter takes out a bowl with a dozen cookies.
  
  The Wall Street investment banker takes 11 cookies and tells the social worker that the government employee is trying to steal his cookie.
• Two bankers were at a bar enjoying their beers.
  Banker 1: How are you?
  Banker 2: Not good. My life is ruined. I want to commit suicide, but I don’t know if I can do it.”
  Banker 1: Why don’t you hire a contract killer?
  Banker 2: I can’t even do that. I went bankrupt and have no money.
  Banker 1: Don’t worry about that. I will let you borrow it.

Banks For Reading!

We bet you had as much fun reading these bank jokes and bank puns as we did putting them together. Some of them are hard to get out of your head!

If you know any other funny bank jokes that we should add, send them over. If they pass our hyper-rigorous screening process we’ll be sure to include them!