33 Toast Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny

It surprised us at first, but there are actually a lot of funny toast puns and toast jokes. So many that we ended up having to sort through hundreds of them before settling on our selection below!

Give this list a read and let us know which ones you chuckle at. We had a great time putting it together!

• Why is toast unable to survive in the wilderness? It is bread from captivity!
• How does toast learn to swim? With big bread strokes.
• What is the best type of condiment for toast as an astronaut? Space jam!
• What is the most noticeable difference between a sheet of toilet paper and a slice of toast? The toast gets brown on both sides.
• What did the writer say when he saw a piece of toast come to life on his plate? Attack of the un-bread!
• Why was the toast so excited to go to band practice? Because it really likes jam sessions.
• What do you get when you put a submarine in a lava lake? A toasted sub!
• What is the purpose of making a toast before taking a drink at celebrations? To raise everyone’s spirits up!
• What do you get when you cross Kratos (from the God of War games) & bread? Kratoast!
• What do regular slices of bread have in common with toasted slices of bread? They are all still breadren!
• What do you call a loaf of bread with fifty-two slices? A deck of carbs!
• Why does the chef at the French restaurant always raise a glass of milk to the flour, eggs, bread, and vanilla? Because he is celebrating with a French toast.
• What made the French toast team in the baseball tournament so much better than the rest of the food teams? Because they had an excellent batter!
• What do sharks like to spread on their breakfast toast? Mermalade!
• What do English professors typically eat for breakfast during school semesters? Synonym Toast with honey.
• What is another name for a flat-earther’s version of the world? Toast!
• Why do comedians avoid jokes about burnt toast? Because they are just too dark.
• What is the best food to have with you when you are driving in the city? Toast, because there are always traffic jams.
• How does the kitchen serve toast on the Death Star? A bit on the dark side.
• What do you get when you eat the last piece of toast before your toast-loving wife gets to have a slice? A lack-toast intolerant!
• Why did the local zoo have a space dedicated to toast next to the Lion Pen? Because it was bread in captivity and couldn’t be released into the wilds of suburban life.
• I asked my dad why he is always back and forth about whether he likes toast with his breakfast. He said there were two sides to the story. On the one side, there is butter, and on the other, there is none.
• What do you get when a restaurant serves nothing but toast and a variety of condiments for breakfast to its customers? Breader people!
• What is the most prestigious part of a slice of toast? The upper crust, of course!
• Why do loaves of bread dislike warm weather so much? Because they don’t like it when things get too toasty.
• My cousin got knocked out trying to catch a whole loaf of bread that had been toasted once. I asked him if he suffered from toast-concussion syndrome as a result.
• How does a mortician determine the cause of death for a slice of toast that has been run over by a car? They perform a toast-mortem on the victim.
• I’ll never forget my brother’s speech at my wedding. He held up a slice of bread and said “Everyone, let’s raise a toast to the happy couple. May their lives together be covered with sweet moments!”
• What do you call a list of suspects in the bakery world? The toast wanted list!
• Which newspaper does the loaf of bread enjoy reading through in the morning? The Washington Toast!
• I was at the cafe the other day and the waitress asked me if I was sure when I ordered half a dozen slices of toast. I said I was and asked her why? She told me that I should be careful about eating too much toast. When I asked her why again, she laughed and said, “Because you’ll be over-toasted!”
• I made my friends breakfast the other day, and while I was preparing the toast to go with the rest of the meal, I asked them what they preferred on their toast, butter or margarine. They all unanimously said butter as they wanted to to improve the toast more than a little margarine-ally!
• My dad’s bakery was lost to fire the other day, but he was rather optimistic about it. When I talked to him on the phone, I asked him how he was handling it and he said “It’s not all bad, I have a new business opportunity with the toast market.”

It Doesn’t Get Breader Than This!

Now that you’ve read all of these funny toast puns and toast jokes, it’s your responsibility to start sharing these in your circle. It doesn’t matter if people want to hear these or not, make sure this humor sees the light of day.

If you’re sitting on any other good ones we should know about, send them over to us. We take submissions from our readers all the time!