27 Funny Philosophy Jokes & Puns That’ll Make You Think!

You wouldn’t think it, but philosophy jokes and philosophy puns are absolutely hilarious. They can be clever, silly, and just downright funny!

We were pleasantly surprised by these puns, jokes, and one-liners about philosophy. Hopefully you have as much fun reading this list as we did putting it together!

• There is a philosophy club around the corner. Sometimes I go there to use the why-fi since it is free. 
• The reflective jacket I just purchased only sits in the corner all day and thinks.
• Nihilism has no meaning for me.
• Did you know that most philosophy majors drive a very specific car? It’s called an uber.
• Pacifists are really bad at joke-telling due to the fact that they don’t believe in punchlines.
• Kleptomaniacs just don’t get sarcasm due to the fact that they take everything literally.
• There was a Nihilist who dropped out of 19th-century socialist ideology. When I asked him why, he said he couldn’t get anything but poor Marx.
• If the Godfather had been a serious philosopher, he would have extended an offer you’ll never understand.
• A waiter serving Rene Descartes in a restaurant asked him if he needed another drink. Descartes replied in the negative, “I think not!” He then vanished completely.
• I like to visit my friend who is a monk with a degree in philosophy. I call him the deep friar.
• My friend at work is a philosopher. He’s never sitting down. I asked him why and he said that he had to stand to reason.
• The skunk philosopher had an interesting outlook, constantly repeating his catchphrase, “I stink,therefore I am.”
• At the library, a patron asked the librarian about a book that covered Pavlov and his dogs as well as Schroedinger’s cat. The Librarian thought for a moment and replied, “It may or may not be here, but it rings a bell for me somehow.”
• I can easily rid my porch of a philosophy student by paying him for the pizza.
• “It’s only me, not you at all.” That’s what the solipsist told his girlfriend when he finally decided to break up with his girlfriend. 
• I sometimes visit the classless bar around the corner from my house. I like that it makes me feel like I am in a Marxist utopia.
• Did you know that there are violins inherent in the water-tank? Marx told me he hears them every time he flushes his toilet.
• Marxists are known to drink awful tasting tea. When asked why the reply is all proper tea, is theft!
• A philosopher and his wife had a baby and were thrilled. They were asked if it was a boy or a girl and the philosopher just replied “Yes!”
• “I think, therefore I yam.” The sweet potato shared its philosophy with me. 
• Do you know just how many Marxists it would take to change a lightbulb? It actually wouldn’t take any, the lightbulb would do it on its own as it contains the seeds of its own revolution.
• I finally completed a philosophy course. Or, have I?
• When a philosophy student fails an exam on empiricism, it’s easy to see that they feel humiliated.
• Two Marxists finish having intercourse and are lying in bed together. The one turns to the other and smiles. “That was good for you, but how was it for me?”
• Writing a draft of his Being and Nothingness, Sarte was in a cafe when the waitress came to ask if  he wanted more coffee. He said yes, but no cream. The waitress thought for a moment and then replied, “Sir, we are lacking cream today. Will coffee with no milk be an acceptable substitute?” 
• A zen master and his student are standing on opposite sides of a river. The river is raging and terrible and the student calls across to the master asking him how he can get to the other side. His master answered with a smile, “You are on the other side.”
• There is a story about Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson on a camping trip together. Laying together before bed, the two observed the night sky, and Holmes asked Dr. Watson what he could see. Watson answers in a long-winded speech about the galaxies and planets, etc. Then he asks Holmes what he sees. Holmes scoffs and proclaims, “My dear Watson, Our tent has been stolen indeed!”

Did These Make You Think?

As you can see, there’s a lot to like when it comes to philosophy jokes and philosophy puns. Pretty much everyone we’ve shown these to got a kick out of a few of them!

If you happen to know any other great philosophy puns, jokes, or one-liners that we should include, send them to us via our contact page. If we like the ones you send over, we’ll consider expanding the list!