34 Funny Peach Puns & Jokes You’ll Absolutely Love

We’ve been enjoying funny peach puns and peach jokes for quite a while now, so we were thrilled when we got the opportunity to put this list together. There’s something about them that never gets old!

Give these a read and pick your favorites to share with your friends. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for something silly, clever, or dirty. There’s something for everyone.

• Can you name a science instrument that you can find in a fruit biologists’ lab? A peachtree dish!
• What does a fruit use to play beach sports during the summer? They use a peach ball!
• Who does the principal bring in when the teacher for the fruit economics class is sick? A substitute peacher!
• What do you get when a peach attends the funeral of a loved one? A deep pit in the heart!
• Do you know who the most famous fruit of all time is? Princess Peach!
• When is the perfect opportunity to enjoy a fresh peach during a NASCAR race? While your favorite driver is at the pit stop!
• I added a number of peach jokes to my standup routine but the audience didn’t laugh at any of them. It was absolutely pit-iful!
• How does a ripe fruit lead by example? It makes an effort to practice what it peaches.
• Which right should all fruits stand up for, regardless of where they come from? Freedom of peach!
• What does a peach say when it is leaving a party? Peach out fruits!
• What is the best thing to put on a nectarine’s headstone when they expire? Rest in peach!
• Why are peaches always ready for the swimming pool? Because they always have a one-peach swimsuit on.
• What do you get when a corrupt peach is removed from office as president? An im-peach-ment!
• What did the peach say when the other inmates of fruit prison asked him why he was there? He told them he was a bank cobbler.
• What happens if you eat too many peaches in a short period of time? You become fuzzy.
• What do you call a nectarine that gets stuck in the sand while on vacation? A peached fruit!
• Why do peaches take so long to leave the fruit basket? Because they always have to give a peach before they go.
• How does a nectarine challenge its opponent during a boxing match? It says ‘Do you want a peach of me?’
• What does a peach say when its apple friend apologizes after being rude to them? I a-peach-iate the apology.
• What did the first nectarine say to the second nectarine when it was added to the same fruit basket? We’re perfect for peach other!
• What makes a peach such a great shoe repairer? They are naturally gifted cobblers.
• I was moved to tears by the church sermon given by the nectarine today. I tell you, that peacher is on fire!
• Why did the peach have to use deodorant after working out at the gym but the apple didn’t? Because peaches have pits!
• What is the best way to store fruit juice in the orchard? In a peach-er!
• What made the nectarine the best candidate for the presidency? It really wanted world peach.
• How do you determine the number of peach slices that will fit in two cans? It really comes down to the size of the Toucans and whether or not they enjoy peaches.
• What did the motivational speaker say to all of the orchard owners during the fruit convention? He told them to peach for the stars.
• What made the peach decide to see a psychologist? It felt a pit of despair inside.
• What do you call the center of a peach in a fruit eating contest? A pit stop.
• Why did the nectarine want to get a hair transplant? Because it really wanted to be a peach.
• Which fruit do you think is a vampire’s favorite? Neck-tarines, of course!
• Why are peaches such natural rivals? Because they are pitted against each other at birth.
• How do you honor a scientist who has dedicated their life to the study of nectarines? Award them with a Nobel Peach Prize.
• What made the peach have a case of identity crisis? At first it was green and it thought it was a pear, but soon it ripened and its face became red with the realization that it was in fact a peach.

Did These Blow Your Mind?

We hope you had a great time with these funny peach puns and peach jokes. One of the things we like about them is the number of opportunities you’ll have to use them!

We’d love to hear from you if you know any others we should add to the list. We add good recommendations from our readers all the time, so don’t be shy!