28 Funny Bean Puns & Jokes You Won’t Believe We Found

A funny pile of beans

There are a boatload of funny bean puns and bean jokes being passed around. So we took it upon ourselves to find the best ones!

Give this list a read and let us know what you think.

  • How can you tell an athletic bean apart from other beans? By its runners!
  • What do you call a can of beans that has been in the sun too much? Baked beans!
  • What did the coffee say to the cup when it was poured into it? I’ve been waiting for you since I was a whole bean!
  • What do all the beans in a giant sack have in common? They are all destined to be part of a Deja Brew.
  • Why did the coffee bean have such a problem with self-esteem when it became the top seller in the cafe? Because it kept getting roasted for the enjoyment of others.
  • What is the coffee cup’s favorite fairy tale? Jack and the beanstalk!
  • Why did the scientist look so puzzled when the coffee bean responded to his question? Because he found the true beaning of life!
  • A customer spilled a drink all over the floor in front of me at the coffee shop today and when the barista said not to worry about it and a replacement beverage would be right up and on the house, the customer replied with “Thank you, I can’t espresso my gratitude enough!”
  • Why did the jelly bean enroll in college after it graduated? Because it wanted to become a smartie!
  • The school decided to open up the class trip to a vote this year but they did not include the green bean farm. They felt it was in a seedy part of the countryside.
  • What made the green bean plants grow so close? Their roots ran deep!
  • My mom saw a retired dancing bean that used to be famous and she asked me what to call it. “A has bean,” I said without hesitation.
  • What do you call a pound of coffee that has been in the freezer for a while? Cool beans!
  • What did the coffee cup say to the bean when it returned from its trip to the brewer? You’ve bean gone for so long!
  • A bean came into the car dealership today to trade in his new car which he had gotten a month ago. When I asked why, he said it was because of the lack of legume in the back seat.
  • Why was the farmer so afraid of the bean harvest? Because they were all Army Beans.
  • Why are beans so good at predicting the weather? Because they are experts in chili.
  • Which religious event do beans observe the most? Lent-il.
  • I took a trip around the world last year and had a trusty pack of beans with me everywhere I went just in case I needed some emergency food. I guess you could say we’ve “bean there, and done that.”
  • What do you call it when a can of beans wears glasses in the kitchen? Heinz sight!
  • What do you call flying legumes? Air pods.
  • What do you get when you give vegetables special access to the freezer? VI-Peas.
  • A dairy farmer near here had an idea for a new product. He decided to try and get his cows to make special milk so he mixed coffee beans into their daily feed. I called it De-calf late.
  • Which legume works in the circus? A tra-peas artist.
  • What did the can of beans say to the can of soup in the pantry? You can trust me to keep your secrets, I won’t spill the beans.
  • An Englishman is visiting New York and decides to have lunch at a French restaurant. Feeling adventurous, he orders the soup du jour. The waiter brings the soup a short while later and after the first bite, the Englishman looks disgusted. The waiter notices this and rushes over to ask the gentleman if there is something wrong with the soup? “What on Earth is in this,” asks the Englishman? “It’s bean soup, sir,” replies the waiter. “I didn’t ask what it has been, what is it now?”
  • My grandma always told us not to talk about our secrets while working in the garden because the potatoes are watching with their eyes, the corn is always listening with its ears, and the beans just stalk about everything!

Have Any Favorites?

With so many great bean puns and bean jokes to choose from, it can be hard to find your favorites. But at the end of the day, there are probably at least a few that stood out to you.

If you know any others that we should hear, send them to us!