45 Neck Jokes & Puns That Are Surprisingly Funny

Giraffe with a long neck making the photographer think of neck jokes and puns.

Wait what? Neck jokes? Neck puns?

Super random. But funny.

When we found out that tons of people look for neck jokes each month, we were pretty surprised. But like the selfless humor servants we are, we got to work.

And we had a great time! We were laughing like crazy while working on this list, and have been constantly sharing these puns and jokes with our friends.

Hopefully you do the same!

1. What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

2. One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

3. My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigs tie. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments. 

4. You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck.” 

5. The joke about the giraffe’s neck is far too long to tell. 

6. The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

7. Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires. 

8. Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.  

9. Every morning clowns wake up with sore necks. This is because they sleep funny. 

10. A giraffe must have a long neck. Look how far their body is from their head. 

11. To ward off vampires you must always sleep with one eye open and your hands covering your neck.

12. Neckwear is an important part of attire when attending a prominent event. However, one official was inappropriately outraged at what he was wearing. He went on a wild tie rant. 

13. There is no chance of someone waking up with a sore neck if the coffin has a soft pillow.

14. My procedure saved my life, and my neck is permanently locked. I will never look back.  

15. I cannot figure out why everyone went crazy on the bus just because I gave a perfect stranger a romantic gesture by kissing her on the neck. I am sure her slapping me meant she thought I was sweet.

16. Now that I can look back, I laugh. When my neck was broken it was not funny. 

17. There is no cure for reptile dysfunction. Turtles who suffer with this will never get their necks out of their own shell. 

18. Never get into an argument with your chiropractor. Spending the rest of your life looking over your shoulder will make you regret it. 

19. Who knew I would get kicked out of the zoo for finding out if a giraffe’s neck was strong enough to hold a grown man?  

20. Never gamble on a giraffe race. Just when you think you are winning by a neck, you lose by one.  

21. Call it a tie if there is an award for the best neck wear of the year. 

22. A guillotine is a drink that will instantly numb you from the neck down. 

23. They say you should never look back. Looking back makes your neck hurt.

24. Do not stick your neck out for a friend, you do not want to find out they are a vampire. 

25. What do you call a woman who repairs your neck and is really good looking? A head turner.

26. The mane thing about horses that I love is the beautiful hair that runs across their neck.  

27. The bodies are really starting to pile up, the sound before I throw them in the pile is so satisfying. I have been so happy since I learned how to crack a neck.

28. A giraffle is a chance to win a spotted, long-necked pet.  

29. Now that men with neck tattoos make me lattes, I am not afraid of them anymore. 

30. Vampires are extremely competitive. They will always finish neck and neck.  

31. A multi-layered person has a double neck.  

32. That was a head turner.

33. If you want to call the Dalai Lama, make sure you have the correct number. I called Dial-A-Llama and now own a goat with a very strange neck.

34. It is funny, I have not looked back once since I got this neck brace.  

35. I will never recommend Dr. Acula. I left his office with much worse pain in my neck than when I came in. 

36. If you agree to a beard growing contest, you will find you and your competition neck and neck. 

37. Why did DMX freak out when he put on a crew neck sweater for the first time? Because he could not find the hood.  

38. As the man gently and ever so slowly slid his hand across his wife’s neck, below, under, all over her neck, making his way to her shoulders, she woke up. Whispering in a seductive voice she asked why he stopped. The husband whispered “I found the remote honey. Go back to sleep, the games on.”  

39. My husband was in so much pain and could not turn his neck. Since he could not look sideways, I told him to look forward to a massage later. 

40. You will never look back if you have your neck infused.  

41. You do not have enough cement if your mother-in-law is only covered in it up to her neck. 

42. A young man goes in to see a doctor. The doctor sees he looks fine, but the man reports he feels pain when he touches his toes, elbow, and neck. The doctor tells the young man, “your finger is broken.”

43. Kissing my girlfriends neck makes me a neck romancer.  

44. My job interview was not going well. I could see the employer did not like neck tattoos. I explained that a job is like a neck tattoo. It shows you can do the same task for hours, never flinch if you are jabbed with very painful criticism and work well with others who are not even trying to be nice. 

Share These Jokes And Don’t Look Back!

Hopefully you had as much fun checking out these neck jokes and puns as we did making them. This was a topic that took us by surprise at first, but now we’re thankful we spent time on it!

If you have any neck jokes or neck puns that make you laugh, send them over! If we like them we’ll make sure to include your suggestion in our list.