39 Funny Card Jokes & Puns To Deal Out To Your Friends

Cards on a table where people are telling card jokes and puns

There are so many funny card jokes and card puns that it was hard to know where to begin when making this list! People have been playing cards forever, so there are naturally a ton to choose from.

But after a lot of thought and laughter, we settled on our favorites.

This list includes all of the card jokes and puns that made the cut. Enjoy!

  • Card games can be so one-sided sometimes.
  • How is a miniature pony similar to a deck of cards? They’re both jokers.
  • What game did the scam artist always win at? Go phish.
  • I got something sticky on my playing cards. I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
  • What cards have the best dance moves? The King and Queen of clubs.
  • Why are snakes masters at card games? They don’t have any hands to lose.
  • Why did the pirates have a hard time playing cards? The captain kept standing on the deck.
  • I accidentally used my donor card instead of my credit card one time. It cost me an arm and a leg.
  • What do wolves and playing cards have in common? They arrive in packs.
  • How can you buy four suits for under $5? Buy a deck of cards.
  • Why did the tiger keep losing at cards? His opponent was a cheetah.
  • What makes a bull stop charging? Taking away its credit card.
  • Where do you go to college to learn about card games? The Unoversity.
  • I told the doctor that I felt like a pack of cards. He said he would deal with me later.
  • The banker told me he could get me a credit card with zero interest. I said “why bother then?”
  • Marriage can be a lot like a deck of cards. You start out with two hearts and a diamond, but by the end you wish you had a club and a spade.
  • How did the kid get his report card wet? It was below “sea” level.
  • What card game do photographers like the most? Snap.
  • Why does Batman always lose at cards? He always attracts the Joker.
  • Why was the credit card put in jail? It was guilty as charged.
  • Two cows got together to smoke and play cards. The steaks were very high.
  •  I was leaving my friend’s funeral the other day and a kid left a “get well soon” card on his grave. Poor kid.
  • One time, I was getting carded at the liquor store, but my blockbuster card fell out. The cashier changed his mind.
  • Why did the mosquito love playing cards? Because he had an amazing poker face.
  • One time, a man ate a deck of cards. Hours later, he had to drop a deuce.
  • I found a problem on my donor card record. It’s a type O…
  • What do you call an insect with a pack of cards? Ant & Deck.
  • What’s the national card game of North Korea? Kim Jong Uno.
  • I caught covid with a deck of cards. You could say I was in solitaire confinement.
  • What does Thanos like to play in his free time? Snaps.
  • What did the cantaloupe write on its valentine’s day card? You’re one in a melon.
  • My friend was having trouble paying his water bill, so I sent him a “get well soon” card.
  • What do crows use when they buy a cellphone? A cawing card.
  • My wife told me she wanted something with a lot of diamonds. She’s gonna love this pack of playing cards.
  • Playing cards in the oval office always stinks. The president always pulls out his trump card.
  • The concierge at the hotel must have a thing for tips. I asked him to get me a deck of cards and it took 52 trips.
  • Someone stole my grandpa’s pack of cards. It took him a while to deal with the loss.
  • I can argue about which card games are the best, but I would have to say Uno is number 1.
  • There’s a much simpler way to play Go Fish. Just say “no”.

Did You Enjoy This Pack?

Now that you’ve seen our list of funny card jokes and card puns, we hope some caught your eye and are worth sharing with your friends. That was certainly the case with us!

Feel free to send over any other card jokes or puns that you know. We’ll take a look and add whichever ones we like to the list.