26 Funny Jewelry Puns & Jokes That Really Shine

Piece of jewelry that inspire various puns and jokes

Jewelry puns and jewelry jokes have been funny for quite some time. Poking fun at the often absurd material obsession with these shiny items is something that never gets old.

It doesn’t matter if one of your friends has some jewelry or you see some in a store, there are plenty of great opportunities to bring these up.

We hope you enjoy this great list of puns and jokes about jewelry. There’s definitely some gold in here!

  • The wife wasn’t pleased with her husband’s Christmas present, as she preferred something with diamonds.
    The husband got her a deck of cards to make up for it.
  • I wanted to start a jewelry business.
    To show support, my friend gave me a ring.
  • My friend lost her mood ring.
    She wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
  • What type of jewelry can be used to safeguard the rest of your collection?
    A locket.
  • My friend told me she wanted a ring.
    I told her to take her phone off silent mode.
  • What did the policeman say to the thief who had stolen the gold necklaces?
    AU! Stop right there.
  • My friend’s girlfriend has a birthday party next week, and she’s been placing jewelry catalogs in every corner of their house.
    He took the hint and decided to get her a magazine rack.
  • How did he propose to the queen bee?
    With a ru-bee ring.
  • The rabbit was eager to impress his girlfriend.
    He got her 14-carrot earrings.
  • People who steal from banks and jewelry stores are pretty bad.
    But guys who rob bakeries take the cake.
  • What jewelry course did the student undertake at the university?
  • What is similar between looking for your animal jewelry and getting lost in the woods?
    In both cases, you need to find your bearings.
  • I saw a sign saying Fine Jewelry.
    I think it’s had enough warnings but no arrests yet.
  • We drove down a road surfaced with diamonds, rubies, and emeralds.
    It had to be a jewel carriageway.Wife: I just had the craziest dream last night. You bought me the most amazing diamond earrings.
    Husband: In that case, how about you go back to sleep and wear them.
  • Her husband was a geologist. For their anniversary, she got him a limestone jewelry box.
    She said it has sedimental value.
  • I went to a jewelry store in Poland the other day.
    I was impressed at how everything was so polished.
  • What are lawyers’ and judges’ favorite jewelry?
  • One day, a jewelry store owner decided to take two of his employees out for lunch. They find a table at the restaurant, on which sits an old lamp.

    The owner decides to rub the lamp, and immediately a genie appears. With its eerie voice, it says, “Who is it who has summoned me? For he can have three wishes.” The genie looks at the three guys and continues, “Since there are three of you here, I will grant you one wish each.”

    The first employee tells the genie, “I wish to be on a Hawaii beach surrounded by beautiful women.”

    With a snap of his fingers, the genie makes the employee disappear.

    The second employee is ecstatic at the moment, and he tells the genie, “I wish I had all the wealth in the world and the most beautiful mansion in all of America.”

    Once again, the genie snaps his fingers, and the second employee is gone.

    The genie now turns to the owner for him to make the final wish. He ruminates on the events that have just occurred before telling the genie, “I wish to find those two back on the sales floor when I return to work.” 
  • A lot of people don’t consider gold jewelry as hardcore.
    I, however, think it’s really metal.
  • The husband was late to come home after work, so his wife called him.
    Wife: Babe! Where are you?
    Husband: Hey, babe. I know I’m late and I’m really sorry. Do you remember the jewelry store where we bought that pearly necklace?
    Wife: Of course I do.
    Husband: Well, I’m just having some drinks from the bar right across.
  • Friend: Do you know the way to a girl’s heart?
    Me: No. What is it?
    Friend: Diamonds.
    Me: I think you misspelled bacon.
  • One afternoon, a jewel thief was robbing a house. At gunpoint, he tied up the woman and told the man to give him all the jewelry and money.

    The man, trembling and sobbing, told the thief, “You can take anything you want, but please untie her and let her go.”

    The thief says to the man, “You must really care for your wife.”

    The man replies, “Yes, and she’s about to come home any time from now.”
  • Real beauty is like a delicious cake.
    And jewelry is like the icing
  • The diamond told the kimberlite to stop bothering him.
    He had been under a lot of pressure lately.
  • Which three rings are associated with marriage?
    An engagement ring, a wedding ring, and a suffer-ring.
  • A jewelry shop had just been robbed, and the thief escaped. To avoid disappointing the boss, the patrol officers on the case decided to put the blame on a drunk man who was sleeping on the corner.

    At the police station, the detectives grilled the drunk man with questions.

    “Where did you take the jewels?”

    The drunk guy, who was half awake, did not answer. The detective asks again:

    “Where did you take the jewels?”

    Again, the drunk man fails to answer, making the detective really frustrated. The detective takes a bucket of water and places the drunk man’s head inside the water before pulling him out and asking him again:

    “Where did you take the jewels?”

    Still, the drunk man fails to give an answer. The detective submerges his head once again and pulls it out before telling him:

    “This is the last time I’m going to ask this, where are the damn jewels?”

    Finally, the drunk man replies:

    “Well, I’m not seeing anything here. How about hiring a diver? That might solve your problem.” 

Did You Find A Diamond In The Rough?

This list of funny puns and jokes about jewelry made us laugh repeatedly while we were working on it. And since jewelry is everywhere, we haven’t needed to look far for opportunities to use them!

If you know any great jewelry puns or jewelry jokes that deserve a spot on the list, send them over. Once we get a chance to review them, we’ll add the ones we like!