27+ Great Farm Puns & Jokes (Funny, Dirty & Clever)

It’s not hard to find some funny farm puns and farm jokes, but we aim higher. We search for the very best.

Give this list a read and let us know what you think. We sorted through a TON of these to come up with the masterpiece you’re about to witness!

Some are dirty, some are silly, and others are clever. But they’re all funny.

• What did the farmer name his milk cow that had no calf? Decaf!
• What do you get when you cross a bull with heavy duty equipment? A Bulldozer!
• Why do calves dislike following their mom into the cow pasture? Because mama cow always tells them its pasture bedtime now go to sleep.
• Why did the farmer have to get rid of his swine powered car that he invented to fight rising fuel costs? Because whenever he took a corner, the tires would squeal like crazy.
• What made the pig decide to end her relationship with her longtime boyfriend? He was just too boar-ing.
• Which breed of cow has absolutely no legs? Ground beef!
• Which day of the week do the farm potatoes fear the most? Fry-day!
• What is another way of describing cow hooves? Feet that have a case of lactose.
• What recipe does a farmer use to make a delicious batch of sweet and sour pork? Raise a pig on feed that is enhanced with sugar and vinegar, then slow roast it.
• When is the only time a pig can be caught taking a bath? When the farmer yells hogwash in the barnyard.
• What do you call a farmer that grows, harvests and sells his own corn? Cruel, because he is always pulling ears.
• What do you call the spots on a black and white dairy cow? Holstains!
• What do you get when a buffalo rancher has to prepare a celebration for his farm reaching the two hundred year old mark? A Bison-tennial celebration!
• Why were all of the highest grades for the math exam from the local farm kids? Because they are all pro tractors!
• What do you end up with when you mix parts of a tractor with bits of a robot? A transfarmer!
• Which sports game do sheep enjoy playing on the farm? Baaadminton!
• What did the coroner’s report reveal as the cause of death of the farmer’s crops during his autopsy? Natural causes!
• Which kind of ghost is known to haunt farms after it has passed on from this world? A poultry-geist!
• What do you call the person in charge of running old MacDonald’s farm? The CIEIO!
• What made the rancher bury money in his fields? He was trying to make his soil rich again.
• What kind of animal does a farmer look for to help him keep the time while he works the ranch? A watch dog.
• I met a pig named Ink on the weekend at the local petting zoo. Curious as to the origin of her name, I asked one of the Zoo staff.
  “Oh that’s because she keeps running from her pen.”
• I once asked a farmer how he ended up with such a beautiful farm.
  He said it was all due to his magical tractor.
  Curious, I asked if I could see the tractor he mentioned.
  He replied with “You’re looking at it” and proceeded to point at his field.
• I had a customer tell me that they thought my farm’s corn was the most delicious they had ever eaten at the farm market today. I thanked them and told them that there was polenta more where that came from.
• Today I told my dad about my boyfriend who I had been seeing for a while already. He asked what he did for a living and I told him that he was starting a honey farm with loads of flowers on it to help save the bees. My dad looked at me for a while and then responded with “He’s a keeper then.”
• I was talking with my neighbor that owns the farm down the road this morning and he mentioned that one of his cows had gotten out and they had not been able to find it anywhere, so he was asking all of the locals to keep an eye out for it. I said “Sure thing George, I’ll let you know if I see the miss-steak.”
• What do you get when you cross a horse with a creature of the night? A Nightmare!
• When the farmer was done shearing his sheep, he couldn’t find one of the yews. He searched everywhere and when he had finally given up for the day, he went back to the ranch house feeling defeated. There, on the porch, was the missing yew and a police officer.
  “Oh thank you officer, you found my missing sheep,” said the farmer.
  “Not so fast sir,” replied the officer, “the sheep reported a fleecing and I need to investigate the situation.”

Let Us Know What You Think!

Hopefully you had a great time reading this list of funny farm jokes and farm puns. It was quite enjoyable to work on this, and we’re definitely going to be spreading these around during our next road trip through South Dakota (we can’t wait…).

If you know any other good ones that you think we should make room for, send them over. We look over reader submissions all the time, and will definitely add any that deserve some attention!