65 Funny Coffee Puns & Jokes To Keep You Grounded

A macchiato on a table where people are telling coffee puns and coffee jokes

Funny coffee puns and coffee jokes have been around for quite a while. With such a universal drink, it’s only natural that people would find the humor in it!

Personally, we like using these to kill time in line. Maybe you’re at one of those new trendy hipster coffee spots. You know, the kind of place where everyone thinks it’s acceptable to wait 20 minutes for a $15 drink.

You’re trying to hold it together while the rest of your group is eagerly chattering about the “amazing” drinks they’re about to have and how they love the interior design of the place.

Things are looking bleak.

Then you say, “This line is grounds for me to walk out of here.”

And everything’s right with the world. Even if your group doesn’t appreciate this high level coffee pun as much as you do, the weight on your heart has been lifted.

This list of coffee puns and jokes has been entertaining us every morning, and we think it will do the same for you. Keep some of these handy. You’ll never know when you might need to use them!

1. What did the coffee lovers say when they got married? We are meant to bean.

2. What happens when your spouse drinks your coffee? It is grounds for divorce.

3. What did one coffee say to the other before they went out? Let’s stir up some fun.

4. What does a barista say when he wakes up in the morning? Rise and grind.

5. How can you tell that the members of AC/DC are getting old? They changed their name to AC/Decaf.

6. What do you call it when you go into the shop to get coffee and you feel like you already did? Deja brew.

7. Why did the coffee pods get sent to the principal’s office? They were brewing up trouble again.

8. Why did the coffee shop close down today? There is a storm brewing.

9. Why was the latte upset? The coffee drinker told her she was bitter.

10. What do you call it when you steal someone’s coffee? A mugging.

11. Why would a coffee bean keep looking at a watch? She was pressed for time.

12. I want to mocha you happy.

13. That a latte for being there for me.

14. What is a sad cup of coffee called? A depresso.

15. I am so excited I cannot espresso it.

16. What type of spell does the coffee like to cast? Espresso patronum.

17. What would a barista say to a picky customer? You are mocha me crazy.

18. Why was the coffee bean worried all the time? He was having a latte problems at work.

19. What song did the coffee lover listen to by the Beatles? Latte be.

20. How come snacks do not drink coffee? It makes them viperactive.

21. What does the coffee bean like for dinner? A roast.

22. What song does the coffee play on karaoke night? Hit me with your best shot.

23. What did the gossiping coffee machines do? They spilled the beans.

24. Why would a cup of coffee call the police? The coffee was mugged.

25. What is the coffee drinker’s favorite movie? The Lord of the Beans.

26. How do coffee cps greet each other? With mugs and kisses.

27. You look so good, I would say you are brew-ti-ful.

28. You are a cool bean.

29. Why was everyone sick at that coffee shop? They were all in coffeeing.

30. What did the coffee maker say to the hyper coffee beans? Kettle down now.

31. What does Eric Clapton and strong coffee have in common? They both need Cream.  

32. What do you call coffee bullies? Mean beans.

33. What do the employees of a coffee shop say when they are asked if they like their job? Working here has a lot of perks.

34. How did the hipster burn his tongue on the coffee? He drank the coffee before it was cool.

35. What is a coffee lover’s favorite exercise when working out? The French press.

36. I love you a latte.

37. Words cannot espresso how much I love you.

38. What is a favorite Christmas movie of a coffee drinker? The Polar Espresso.

39. What happened when one friend forgot to order the other friend a cup of coffee? Their friendship came to a butter end.

40. What is the opposite of the world coffee? Sneezy.

41. How come espressos do not talk to herbal drinks? It is not their cup of tea.

42. What is the coffee lover’s favorite book? The Count of Macchuato.

43. How are coffee beans like children? They are always getting grounded.

44. How do you make beef jerky? Take away its morning coffee.

45. Where do birds go to get their coffee? At the nest cafe.

46. My espresso machine was not working. I had Rage Against the Espresso Machine.

47. The Smashing Pumpkins like coffee so much they are changing their name. They are now the Smashing Pumpkin Spices.

48. Sending you a latte love today.

49. Why was the barista fired? She came to work in a tea shirt.

50. What did the coffee say when she handed in her assignment late? Better latte than never.

51. What is the coffee lover’s favorite show? The X-filters.

52. What is the coffee’s favorite pickup line? Hi hot stuff.

53. What did one partner tell the other? You keep me grounded. 

54. I care about you so much it is hard to espresso my feelings about you.

55. Why do you avoid debates about coffee? It can make for a heated argument. 

56. How come kangaroos do not drink coffee? It makes them too jumpy.

57. What Bob Marley song does a coffee lover like? Don’t worry, be frappe. 

58. How was Moses able to make his coffee? He brews it.

59. What do you call a cow that just had a baby? De calf inated.

60. You are so hot, in fact you are steaming hot.

61. Why does the IT department drink the most coffee? They install Java.

62. Why do coffee and mugs get along? They are a perfect blend for coffee.

63. How is a coffee driver’s favorite magician? David Coffeefield.

64. What is a hard working coffee pot? A grinder.

65. What do you call a popular student at coffee school? A cool bean.

Grind These Up And Share Them!

We hope these coffee puns and coffee jokes brought a smile to your face and gave you some ideas for the next time you’re stuck in line waiting for a roast. Collecting them was a lot of fun for us, and we’ve been using these as often as we can.

If you have any coffee jokes or puns that you’re proud of, send them over! We’re always open to adding more to the list.