27 Alcohol Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny

Knowing some funny alcohol puns and alcohol jokes is incredibly handy. You’ll have so many great opportunities to bring them up, and the people listening might be too inebriated to stop you.

Use this power wisely.

Putting together this list was a blast, and we think you’ll have a great time reading through these.

• I’m fine with the odd drink with friends, but I draw the lime at Tequila!
• What is the spirit animal of most distillers? Grey Goose!
• What do you use to repair a broken bottle of Johnnie Walker? Scotch tape!
• How did the martini get its name? It was invented by a bartender that worked at the world famous mini-bar.
• What do you get when a bear drinks honey from a wild beehive? A really buzzy bear!
• Why are ghosts the best drinking buddies? Because they aren’t picky. They enjoy anything that has boo’s in it.
• What is the best drink you can order if you just want a small beverage to sip on while visiting with friends? A Mar-teeny!
• What should you do when friends tell you that you are drinking like a fish? Just tuna them out and have a good time!
• Why should you never trust drunk people with your phone number? The first clue should be the fact that they usually say “Alcohol you later” when you give it to them.
• Why are dogs not allowed inside of bars? Because they don’t know how to hold their alcohol.
• Why is cold weather the quickest way to cure a heavy buzz when you are partying? Because it’s how you get so-brr!
• What is an alternate description for being black-out drunk after a night out on the town? Getting absinthe-minded with friends!
• What do you get when you give beer to a bunch of lumberjacks? A variety pack of loggers.
• My boss asked me to pick up a twelve pack of drinks at the store for the staff barbeque, but I felt like that wouldn’t be enough, so I picked up a twenty-four just in case.
• How do you get a drunkard to climb up on the roof? Tell him the next drink is “on the house.”
• What does a ghost have in common with a drunk person stumbling around in an abandoned mansion? They both get sheet-faced regularly.
• What is the only appropriate dance to be done during a keg party? A tap dance!
• What do you call beer that is served in a bucket and surrounded with a bunch of ice? An arctic pail ale.
• What type of beverage can you serve to family and friends during the winter season? A brr-bon!
• Can you guess what they called the panel discussion regarding Whiskey versus Vodka? The Spirited Debate!
• I met some family and friends at a pub for Easter brunch and we were surprised by the Easter Bunny showing up. We invited him to join us and he accepted. When we asked him what brought him to the pub, he told us he thought it was Hoppy Hour.
• Whiskey and I have known each other a long time, but I feel like that is about to change. I keep waking up in strange places with no memory of how I got there and no sign of her. I think my relationship with whiskey is on the rocks.
• Why should you avoid drinking so many margaritas when partying? Because they’ll eventually try tequil-ya.
• Can you name the title of the Spanish version of Harper Lee’s classic novel? Tequila Mockingbird!
• I was at a pub near my place the other day and you’ll never guess who walked in. None other than Chuck Norris. Can you guess what he ordered? A sock-ee, straight to the face! The man didn’t even flinch!
• I am starting to doubt my therapist’s way of problem solving. While I understand what he’s saying when he claims that alcohol won’t solve all my problems, I had to tell him I felt it’s worth trying a shot or two at least.
• I was having problems with shoulder pain during the summer with all the extra gardening I was doing and when I went to see my doctor about it, he just prescribed me a beer a day. At first I laughed, but then I realized he was being kind of serious, so I asked him why he would make a recommendation like that, to which he replied “Because it will cure what ales you!”

Drink These Up!

Hopefully you had as much fun reading these alcohol puns and alcohol jokes as we did. It’s always easy to find opportunities to share these with your friends, so pick your favorites and keep them at the ready.

If you know any others that deserve a spot on this exclusive award-winning list, send them over. We’re always on the lookout for submissions from our readers.