20 Funny Mail Puns & Jokes You’ll Want To Send Around

Envelopes of mail that could contain mail jokes or puns

Mail puns and mail jokes have been around forever. Whether you’re talking about the post office, mailman, or the mail itself, relating to these is always easy!

Check out this list of mail puns, jokes, and one liners that will leave you chuckling. They did for us!

  • A local store had a new sign today that read “Now selling stamps by the book.” I was relieved to know that they were following the proper guidelines.
  • Why do dogs get so riled up when they see the postman? The mail is almost never for them.
  • Why is it so problematic to tell jokes about the post office? Because most people don’t get the jokes until the next day!
  • I was at the post office today when a fight broke out. It was a real P.O. box.
  • Why was the joke about the unstamped mail such a dud? It never got delivered.
  • We visited the postcard museum yesterday and were not all that impressed. It really wasn’t anything to write home about.
  • What do you call a postman that crosses paths with a dog and a werewolf? Terrified.
  • I knew I wasn’t cut out to be a postman on my first day as soon as they gave me the sack.
  • What do you use to close a package for the mail under water? A seal.
  • What do you call a vampire’s letters? Fang mail.
  • What contains only one letter but has three E’s in it? An Envelope!
  • My friend who is a mailman has expressed a desire to give up his job to become a comedian, but I advised him against it as his delivery is just awful.
  • What did the valentine say to the stamp? I sure hope you stick around, because we are a match.
  • A woman was shouting into a large yellow envelope at the post office today when I was picking up a package. Curious, I asked her what she was doing.
    “Oh, I’m just sending a voicemail to a friend,” she said.
  • I couldn’t figure out why my aunt was always so against stamps. Finally, one day I asked her about it and she said it was because the stamps just sat in the corner all the time doing nothing but still got to travel all over the world while she worked her butt off and got to go nowhere.
  • A dog enters the post office and asks the clerk for a form to fill out for a telegram. He fills it out and hands it to the clerk. The message reads: “Woof, woofwoofwoof, woof woof, woof woof woof.” The clerk informs the dog that for no extra fee they can add an extra woof if they would like. The dog says “I know, but that really would not make any sense.”
  • I stopped by the post office to mail two dozen letters today and got an equal number of stamps for the envelopes. The clerk handed me the stamps and I looked at them confused.
    “Do I apply all of these myself,” I asked?
    “You put them on the envelopes,” replied the clerk without skipping a beat.
  • A marine biologist came into the post office to try and overnight a large package today. I took the measurements and informed them that the package was too large and that they would have to send it by air.
    Desperate, the marine biologist pleaded with me to make an exception as the package contained a very sick marine mammal that needed urgent care.
    Feeling sorry for the animal, I told the marine biologist that I’d check with my boss.
    The boss agreed and I informed the biologist that we would be able to make an exception, but just for this express porpoise.
  • An upset customer came into the post office while I was dropping a letter in the box today and was looking to return a booklet of “forever” stamps.
    When the clerk opened the booklet to see what the problem was, there were no stamps left in it.
    “I’m sorry sir, but there is nothing in here, you can’t make a return with an empty stamp booklet,” said the clerk, somewhat irritated.
    “So you see what the problem is, don’t you,” replied the man, “I’ve been swindled!”

Did Any Stand Out?

Now that you’ve seen our list of mail puns, mail jokes, and mail one liners, we want to hear which ones you liked the most!

And as always, if you know any others we should consider adding to the list, send them over! We’ll give them a read and make an addition if we like anything.