29 Funny Golf Puns & Jokes That Are A Bit Surprising

A man playing while telling golf puns and jokes

Even though the game was created with the goal of torturing its players, there are still a lot of funny golf puns and golf jokes. In fact, that’s probably why people are so desperate to find the humor in this game.

Check out these gold puns, jokes, and one-liners to see what we mean.

  • The golfer putts around on his day off. 
  • Water and greens are the most important ingredients in a golfer’s diet.
  • What did the rapper tell the group of golfers? I like big putts and I cannot lie. 
  • My dad and I decided to go golfing. As soon as we stepped foot on the green he said, “Let’s Par-tee.”
  • While riding the golf cart around the course, I was singing, “Going to catch me riding birdie.”
  • Rhianna made a great golf reference in her song. She sang, “shut up and drive.”
  • I told my friends I was going to be Iron Man for Halloween. They were shocked when I showed up in my golf club costume. 
  • My mom likes to go to the country club while we go golfing on the course. She came out on the green and said, “How about a spot of Tee?”
  • What did the golfer tell the other golfer when he received a hole in one? Kiss my putt, sucker!
  • When basketball is too strenuous because of all of the running, choose golf. Golf is more for those who are out of shape.
  • What distinguishes a fisherman from a golfer? A golfer can lie without bringing anything back to prove it.
  • Did you know it takes fore golfers to change a tire?
  • Eggs are like golf balls. They are white in color, come in a sealed pack of 12, and you need to buy some more of each after a week! 
  • What makes a scratch golfer? A golfer that scratches his head after the ball disappears. 
  • Golf is similar to taxes in that you aim for the green and end up in the hole!
  • The man who plays golf to distract himself from work will soon work to distract himself from golf.
  • Golf used to be a sport for the wealthy, but it turns out their players are poor. 
  • I once played a course that was so difficult that the ball washer cost me two balls!
  • What is the most expensive version of the marbles game? Golf.
  • A golfer played a very poor round. After the 18th hole there was a pretty decently sized lake. The golfer was feeling so down that he said to his caddie, “I should just drown myself in that lake over there. My game was awful.” The caddie responded, “Yeah good luck with that, but  I highly doubt you can keep your head down for that long period of time.”‘
  • In school, this class was discussing where they were going on vacation that year. The teacher asked the students to walk up to the board and write down where they were visiting. Little Vinny was so excited because he was the only one going to the Golf of Mexico.
  • What piece of technological equipment is good at the game of golf? Computers, they have hard drives. 
  • Golfers avoid cake because they may receive a slice.
  • Golf is like marriage in that it is expensive and if you take everything too seriously, it just doesn’t work. 
  • While playing golf, a group of golfers noticed the beautiful caddie woman. As she was driving around, one of them said to her, “I golf you on my mind.”
  • What did one golf ball say to the other golf ball? I’ll see you round. 
  • A high school golf player was feeling very down after his golf tournament. He asked his coach what could be going on with his game lately. The coach let him know he was standing way too close to the ball after hitting it. 
  • Dan lost a close friend very suddenly to an unknown illness. His friend visits from Heaven and tells Dan how wonderful it is. “I’m young, good looking, and they even have golf!” His friend says. Dan was excited to hear this and replied, “That is fantastic man!” His friend replied, “Cool your jets, you have tee-time scheduled for next Sunday.”

Pass These Around

Hopefully these funny golf puns, golf jokes, and golf one-liners helped ease the frustration that comes from a rough day on the green.

If you know any others, send them over! We’ll add any that we like.