22 Funny Garlic Puns & Jokes That Won’t Disappoint

The subject of garlic puns and jokes

Funny garlic puns and garlic jokes have been told for ages. Pretty much as long as this vegetable has been around, people have been kidding about its impact on your breath.

So that’s why we were eager to jump in and put this list together. We’ll definitely be using some of these at our next family dinner!

  1. What do you get when you eat Italian food in an Irish restaurant? Gaelic breath!
  2. Where do the garlic cloves go for a pint and a bite to eat? The salad bar!
  3. The neighbor’s dog keeps getting into my garden and eating cloves of garlic and then wants to cuddle on the porch swing with me. The dog’s breath really is worse than his bite.
  4. My hipster friend burned his mouth again. He is known for eating garlic bread before it was cool.
  5. What do you call a car that is packed with garlic, ginger and lemongrass that runs through a red light? It is a fragrant disregard of public safety.
  6. What kind of socks do garlic farmers use when tending their crops? Garden hose!
  7. Every year the garlic festival gets bigger and bigger, but the vampires never seem to attend. I guess you could say the number of times they’ve ignored the festival is countless.
  8. Why do garlic bulbs not like to take showers? Because they do not like taking all their cloves off.
  9. What is the best way to make garlic toast? Pour a glass of bubbly, lift it high and speak loudly of all the wondrous it has been a part of. 
  10. What do you call eye drops that are used after cutting garlic or onions? Blinker fluid!
  11. What does an Irish chef use to season his dinner bread? Gaerlic!
  12. What kind of garlic grows on trees? Garlichen!
  13. When all are gathered and all that is left is nothing more than garlic and bread, what do you say about the lack of spread other than “with this seasoning, we bid you greetings.”
  14. How does a magician incorporate garlic into their magic act? They crush the garlic, add some herbs and spices, then they blend it all together with Alfredo, parmesan, olive oil and, PESTO!
  15. Dracula attended the dinner party tonight but no one told the cook. He ended up collapsing after eating a healthy portion of salad with garlic dressing on it. That buffet really is a vampire slayer.
  16. What is the best defense against Coronavirus? Eat a bunch of garlic with every meal, not because it does anything to prevent getting sick, but because it will keep people far enough away from you to prevent them from spreading their sickness to you.
  17. I wanted to cook a special dinner for my fiance but I couldn’t remember which herbs and spices to use in the dish, so I asked my chef friend for some help. It was sage advice, just in the nick of thyme too.
  18. What did the leek say to her garlic husband when he came in from the fields at the end of a hard day? Put your cloves in the washer before you come to bed.
  19. Did you hear about the new garlic diet that is all the rage now? It doesn’t do much for controlling your weight, but your friends will definitely think you are slimmer from a distance.
  20. I took the family to the local East Indian restaurant for dinner the other night and the kids really wanted some garlic bread. The server apologized and said that she couldn’t serve that. When I asked what the problem was, she said they didn’t have naan.
  21. A couple of friends and I were hanging out at the local pizza joint last night when my brother showed up. He came over to say hi, snagged some garlic bread and fries, then laughed and ran off with his own friends. I really wish that he wouldn’t keep taking sides!
  22. A man walked into the bakery and asked the baker for their three best garlic breads.
    The baker looked at the man for a moment and then proceeded to show him the best of the best.
    “We’ve got two of the best and one fake,” said the baker.
    “What do you mean,” the man asked with a puzzled look on his face?
    “We’ve got the best garlic twists and loaves in town.”
    “And what about the fake one?”
    “That would be the garlic knots.”

Find Any You Like?

We hope these funny garlic puns and garlic jokes brought a smile to your face, and gave you some ideas for your next meal. Remember, it’s not pestering if you have good intentions!

If you know any other garlic puns or jokes that we should include, send them our way. We’ll add the ones we like the most.